John McCain’s time has come and gone.
“Image is everything,” the great sage of superficiality Andre Agassi once advised our parents, prancing about the TV screen with a camera the size of a MacBook. Today, during the first election in most of our lifetimes not to feature an incumbent, and one in which the wannabe successors have to compare themselves to such “unutterable failures” as lower taxes and the arrests and/or executions of Saddam Hussein, Jaber Elbaneh, and Abu Anas Al-Liby, it appears there’s nothing better than image to fall back on as reason enough to merit a stay in the Oval Office.
There’s just one problem: in a fashion faux pas that rivals wearing the same dress as your worst enemy to the Grammys, it seems that candidates from John Edwards to Mitt Romney have been sporting the “used car salesman” look. And everyone who has done so has also met with the distaste of the American public, leaving us with a messy array of harpies, hopefuls, and has-beens to choose from this November.
Most notable in the pack for being a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant male, of all things, John McCain, the Senator behind such legendary legislation as the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (the reason candidates have to say “I’m so-and-so and I approve this message” in their ads), has definitely opted out of the lemon vendor look, going for a more traditional, stately, almost corpse-like demeanor. At 71, should McCain assume the presidency and win a second term, he will surpass Ronald Reagan as the oldest President in history. Chuck Norris has already predicted his imminent death. This is not a youthful, ebullient man.
Voices from both sides of the aisle (the misguided on the right who approve of him and the malicious on the left who want to exalt the weakest opponent) would argue that Reagan himself is an example of why, as the R&B star Aaliyah once sang, “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number.” And I would agree, save for the fact that McCain’s age doesn’t reflect his life experiences, which are much more than a number.
McCain has had a very difficult life, serving in the Vietnam War, surviving as a prisoner of war, and overcoming his horrid military experiences to serve 26 years in Congress. Though America should praise him as the hero and freedom fighter he is, it should also recognize that he’s worn out; those sorts of experiences take a toll on one’s ability to rationalize events and act quickly —and, when necessary, coldly — against the enemies of America.
Reagan was soft but firm with his allies, and stern and menacing to his enemies. He lived such an easygoing life in his youth — acting in C-list movies and schmoozing with the Hollywood elite, both in private and on Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts — that it almost seemed as if he had saved all his energy up just to destroy communism in his golden age. Reagan was clearer, less roughed up, and removed enough from the experience of war that he didn’t fear it when it seemed inevitable. Perhaps McCain would have made a great president twenty years ago, with the Iraq War off the agenda, but he’s just too tired to hack it now.
As my father often likes to quip, McCain is a very “robe and slippers” kind of candidate; he is never in a rush, has little energy, and attempts to turn his elderly sloth into a very approachable brand of savoir-faire. This is not a Harrison Ford-esque president, jumping over desks and running into the situation room armed and ready to save the day. Nor is he a Martin Sheen, annoyingly witty and sharp as a knife.
And yet, despite the fact that our wartime situation requires the president to be nimble in body and spirit, everyone and their dog is claiming McCain is the most electable Republican. Only in the most narrow, intolerant sense is this true; McCain is not Mormon, Italian, Libertarian, or fat. Yet what else does he have going for him?
McCain has given us little on the matter other than a vague promise to keep the “Reagan coalition” together. Does he mean the highly contested over-90 demographic? He also has a sort-of endorsement from the totally unbiased ex-President Bill Clinton. (I have a strange feeling I’ve seen the name “Clinton” elsewhere in this election, but I can’t quite put my finger on it…) McCain has even admitted that he doesn’t know much about the economy: “I still need to be educated.” Yet this sort of casual attitude is to be expected, as none of the other candidates have tackled too many issues either; when image is all we can vote for, we can’t expect Mr. “Straight Talk” to limp too far ahead.
Frances Martel ’09 (fmartel@fas) hopes McCain wears his toughest bunny slippers.