Great sex is great sex—if you can find it. But let’s be honest, there are ten things in this world that beat it (almost) every time.
- Talking about sex. Sure, sex is great. But when it’s over, there’s nothing that beats the high of recounting your sexual escapades to your friends—complete with impressions, physical demonstrations, and audience commentary.
- Eating a Felipe’s burrito in one bite. There’s something incredibly orgasmic about putting that wet, tightly wrapped burrito in your mouth. Teeth slicing through the tortilla to the juicy, spicy, cheesy insides. Pico drips down the side of your mouth—but you don’t even care—you just keep going.
- Watching a movie where they don’t have sex but they really should. There’s nothing like a toe-curlingly chaste, age-appropriate romance. You just know that they’re sleeping together, but they don’t show it on screen. As the scene fades to black, you can only imagine the wild things they’re getting up to.
- An intellectually stimulating conversation with an equal whom you respect. Good luck finding that though.
- Getting back from a long day of class and sitting on the toilet to let out that pee you’ve been holding for about an hour because you’ll “be back at your dorm soon.” Bonus points if you do it while watching TikTok.
- Falling in love. HA!
- Being able to finally breathe through BOTH nostrils after conquering the college flu for the third time this winter. There’s nothing that makes you realize how much you take the ability to breathe for granted like your roommates (or hookups) giving you another viral infection.
- Having someone admit that you’re right and they’re wrong. Nothing beats the head rush of intellectual superiority. This one is even more orgasmic when they look it up online and end up proving themselves wrong.
- Fantasizing about sex in class. Economics 10A struggles to compete with those made-up scenarios playing in your head. Did he just say, “You can shift down on this demand curve” or that he’d like to try “reverse causality?”
- Remembering the best sex you’ve ever had. You usually remember it better than it was anyway. I bet you’re blushing right now thinking about it.
So next time you’re wondering about going back to him or feel like hating on a happy couple, remember the ten things that can be even better than consummation.
Sophie DePaul ’27 (sophie_depaul@college.harvard.edu) writes Arts for the Independent.