When I entered the “talking stage” with my now boyfriend, I must have doubled the water bill. Absolutely terrified of what he might think when he inevitably felt or saw my figure, I spent hours contorting my body in the shower to reach every nook, cranny, flap, and crack I could find. Feeling around to make sure I was literally as smooth as a baby’s butt, I refused to leave the bathroom until I was certain no hair was left behind.
To be honest, I couldn’t tell you why I did this. It’s not that I believed he was going to judge me; in fact, knowing him and how understanding and open he was, I think I knew that he wouldn’t care what he saw. Yet just the thought of him potentially judging me or expecting the mound and around to be absolutely hairless was enough for me to scrutinize every inch of my body and take extra precautions. What if, out of all of his past partners, I was the hairiest? My ego couldn’t stand to be known as “Chewbacca” or “the Beast.”
To give you a bit of context, I hate shaving. I think it is time-consuming, unnecessary, and not worth the trouble. Sure, I regularly go through with the occasional armpit swipe, but if no one’s looking at my legs, vagina, or ass anyway, then what’s the point? In the winter, The Lorax and I have the same idea going for us: “Let it Grow.”
In the summer months, I slightly change my mindset, but shaving my legs is really more to ensure an even tan than because I want to get rid of hair. Since my body becomes slightly more visible at this point, I often opt to trim my bikini line as well, but still—what’s out of sight is out of mind. Additionally, as a dark-haired Italian, I have the perfect genetic recipe for a hairy body similar to that of Tarzan’s. I’m doomed.
Once we finally made it officially official, I realized that I was being overdramatic. I am lucky enough to have a boyfriend who couldn’t care less about whether I was bald, prickly, or a bush. He loves me for who I am, no matter what I look like—especially down there. However, not all are lucky enough to have this luxury. When women with vaginas have hair down there or don’t match pre-existing expectations, it’s a deal breaker for certain men and sexual partners. Pubic hair is perceived by society as unattractive; where a clean-shaven body is a sign of “femininity,” hairy vaginas are considered “gross.”
There are arguments that I recognize in this conversation. I, for one, am completely supportive of the personal opinions and physical decisions of women. Choosing to keep your vagina clean-shaven may just feel more comfortable! Maybe you don’t like the slightly itchy feeling of when the hair begins to grow back, and so you opt to keep it smooth at all times. For men, I recognize that physical preferences exist just as emotional ones do, and that should be acknowledged.
However, I’d like to offer an alternative perspective. Keeping your vagina hairy protects it from germs and dirt, mitigating infections. Pubic hair helps reduce sweat in the vaginal area and regulate body temperature, keeping the skin hydrated and warm. It has even been observed to make you seem more sexually attractive, despite societal standards, and increase pleasure during sex.
Shaving frequently can be dangerous; razors may harbor bacteria, and razor bumps, skin rashes, ingrown hairs, and infections in the vaginal area are frequent consequences of shaving. In recent years, more women have been hospitalized due to vaginal injuries from cutting or infecting themselves when shaving, and the chemicals used while shaving can lead to increased body odors and burns.
It has been proven that shaving is not medically necessary, and having pubic hair is neither dirty nor unhygienic. Shaving should be seen as a personal choice, not due to beauty expectations or out of public shame. Risking your life and your vaginal health because you don’t know what someone is going to think of a few extra locks around your lips is silly. The right person will love you for you—to be bushed or to not be bushed!
While the standards for women when it comes to shaving their vaginas (and elsewhere) are high, expectations for men vary. Men are not expected to be hairless; in fact, studies have shown that men do not feel the external pressure to shave that women do. Women have their preferences too, but women have actually been noted to prefer body hair or not have as strong feelings regarding its presence as men do. The stigma around female body hair is dangerous; women’s bodies are policed, yet men having this hair is socially acceptable.
Porn is partially to blame for contributing to these unrealistic expectations. Mainstream media depicts images and videos of the “perfect woman” having a clean-shaven vagina or perfect triangular strip of hair. With the depiction of vaginas in film elsewhere being extremely limited in comparison to how often penises are shown, these unrealistic body expectations lead to a double standard that perpetuates pubic hair on women as unideal. What we think the vagina “should” look like is not up to us—there is no one way, shape, hair follicle, or form.
When I hang out with my boyfriend now, I opt to shave on an occasional basis. I don’t let my hair reach twistable length, but I shave on a schedule that works for me and my body, not out of fear of what my own or his expectations may potentially be. This choice is what I suggest all to consider. Shave when it makes you feel comfortable, and shave when you want. Hair is not something to be scared of, but rather it should be celebrated with self-acceptance and positivity, as it is a part of who we are. We have the bodily autonomy and privilege to take care of ourselves however we see fit.
For those out there who consider it a deal breaker if their partner is anything but a sphynx, my advice is to think otherwise. Your partner is much more than the length of their pubes. Trust me, the hair won’t do anything to bring down the success of the sex. I’d know, wink wink.
Your partner should always love you. When you get married, they vow to be there for you in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for shaggy and for shaved, and the rest. So, keep things bushy, trimmed, smooth, or prickly as a cactus—whatever you like, just make sure you do it for you.
The Bush is also kind of lazy but thinks an argument for autonomy and protesting the objectification of women’s bodies adds further legitimacy to her point.