“So beautiful OMG.” “OBSESSED WITH YOU!” “Sickkk!”
Scroll through any college student’s Instagram, and you’ll find comment sections overflowing with enthusiastic displays of praise.
But look closer, and you’ll see a microcosm of college social dynamics. From heart emojis to sarcastic one-liners, Instagram comments can reveal not only how users seek validation but also how they perform friendship, community, and status.
The way we comment on each other’s posts also reflects deeper gender dynamics. In our experience, female-identifying students often engage in an unspoken ritual of affirmation, exchanging enthusiastic praise with each other as a form of social bonding. Male-identifying students, on the other hand, tend to rely on humor and casual banter, reinforcing camaraderie without overt sentimentality—and often feeling less pressure to comment on other males. Comments mean more than just two fire emojis; they mirror cultural expectations about self-expression and self-worth.
Instagram comments offer certain clear benefits for users. For some, they serve as a measure of validation and visibility. “I think it’s an overall positive thing. I feel like I can notice a very noticeable uptick in my ego and self-perception after I post, mainly because all the girls that come and flock, are hyping me up in the comments,” said Idalis McZeal ’27.
McZeal also acknowledged the downsides of analyzing comments. “I feel like when one of my posts flops, and I get less comments than usual, then I’m like, ‘Oh, do I look bad in this?’” she explained. But despite these concerns, she affirmed her belief that “the positives outweigh the negatives.”
This reveals how comments—especially the number of comments—bear significant weight for some users. The tension between the desire for validation and the pressures of social comparison underscores a key element of Instagram’s comment culture: the need for external approval often competes with genuine self-expression.
However, this tension between validation and social comparison is only part of the picture. We have noted that the distinct ways men and women engage in the comment section are equally telling. These differences go beyond online behavior; they reflect broader social norms that shape how we interact, both on Instagram and in the real world.
“I always [comment] the same thing. It’s like, ‘Oh my god,’ ‘beautiful,’ ‘amazing,’ ‘perfect,’ ‘girlll, you’re beautiful.’ It’s always the word ‘beautiful,’ and then some expansion on that,” McZeal said.
On the other hand, male Instagram users seem to approach comments differently. “When I post, all my comments from my best friends are really funny comments,” Keenan Zeidan ’28 explained. “They’re bringing up an inside joke or something funny we said, a month ago, or related to one of the pictures.”
Tim Langenbahn ’28 shared a similar perspective. “To be honest, it’s just basically funny to comment on other people’s posts, like friends’ posts,” he said. “I don’t feel pressure to do so. I just think it’s a nice gesture.” For him, commenting isn’t about fulfilling an expectation, it’s about keeping things casual and lighthearted.
When asked about the difference between how girls and guys interact in the comments, Zeidan observed a distinct dynamic. “The whole purpose is to try to make the girl feel better and feel really good about herself, and just, like, glazing her for an hour,” he said. “Like, always [commenting] ‘prettiest girl in the world.’”
McZeal also pointed out the difference in how guys and girls engage with members of the same gender on Instagram. “I would definitely say that guys don’t feel the need to affirm people on their posts. Maybe because they don’t tie their worth to Instagram comments, and that’s why they don’t see the need to do that for other people, to build them up,” she explained.
For some women, the obligation to compliment extends beyond genuine admiration for the post itself. “Sometimes I’ll see a post, and I don’t really think they look that amazing, but like, ‘oh my god,’ ‘amazing,’ ‘perfect.’ I’m gonna build you up and be a girls-supporting-girls type-person… it’s kind of like a requirement,” she added.
As two female college students writing this article, we’ve noticed that when opening the app and seeing a friend’s post, we instinctively head to the comment section to type some variation of the same compliment. And from what we’ve observed, we’re not alone—this reflex has been socially ingrained in many of us.
This tendency extends beyond close friendships. According to McZeal, girls don’t exclusively reserve compliments for those they are close to. “I feel like girls, even if it’s someone I don’t really know that well, but they look good, I’m like, ‘Oh my god, girl, you ate.’ And I feel like a guy wouldn’t do that,” she said.
In contrast, Langenbahn expressed his discomfort with the idea of commenting on posts of people he doesn’t know well. “I would feel kind of uncomfortable,” he said. “I can’t really explain why, but the thing is, if I know the person, it’s something different. But I don’t really like random people seeing my posts or commenting on my post, so that’s why I set my account to private.”
This difference in commenting styles also influences our perception of comments. Since many men do not typically engage in the same level of effusive praise as women, their comments—when they do appear—often carry more weight. A simple fire or heart emoji from a guy can stand out precisely because it’s unexpected. As a result, when a man comments on a woman’s post, it can take on greater significance, often sparking speculation about his intentions. Unlike the routine outpouring of support among female friends, a guy’s comment might be read as flirtatious or particularly meaningful, simply because it breaks from the norm of male engagement.
This heightened significance of male comments speaks to the broader social dynamics that shape Instagram interactions. Yes, some comments can serve as a source of validation; however, overall, comments reinforce unspoken social hierarchies, dictating who gets attention and how that attention is interpreted. A platform so heavily used such as Instagram shouldn’t value some voices over others.
For some, this pressure—to both give and receive comments—can become overwhelming, transforming social media from a space for genuine connection into a performance. McZeal, who periodically deletes Instagram, also acknowledged her discomfort with the platform—particularly its toxic nature. “My best friend goes to Yale, right? And…for her, it was immediate love. I feel like for me, my love for Harvard came second semester of freshman year, more so, because that’s when I got close to my friends,” she explained. “It felt like shit, because I would always look at her spam, her with her friends having fun, partying, and…I’d be in my room alone. I wasn’t sure if it was actually making me feel less happy about myself, but then I deleted it, and I felt so much more content with my life.”
Ultimately, Instagram comments are more than just fleeting words of praise or humor. They reflect social patterns that shape how individuals navigate friendship, validation, and self-worth. Whether they’re a source of affirmation or frustration, the role of comments is undeniably powerful—particularly in shaping how students experience social media, and, in turn, how they view themselves.
Pippa Lee ’28 (pippalee@college.harvard.edu) struggles to come up with unique comments. Wessal Bakry ’28 (wessalbakry@college.harvard.edu) comments “I feel uplifted by this” on every post.