Most of us returning students are experiencing the routine first-week-back jitters, but for incoming first-years, the sensation is unfamiliar. They might be feeling trepidation about the onslaught of new people, new information, and a new bedroom (coupled with new roommates and perhaps not-so-new-ish twin beds) in that new building on this new campus that they’ve never even visited before. Worse, likely, is the worry that their parents are feeling right now as they move their precious child into a suite that feels far too old and is filled with people who appear far too strange. If you, dear reader, feel like said parent, then this article is written for you.
I sat down with my mom, a two-time Harvard parent, and asked her my burning questions about how she dealt with the transition of sending both her children away to a college that’s famously known to challenge its students in every way. I hope that her thoughtful answers will provide you with some peace, or at least some action items, as you finish moving in your wide-eyed freshman (or sophomore, or junior, or senior. Harvard’s magnificence never truly wears off).
As you’ve walked around campus and scrolled through College emails, you’ve surely encountered a flood of confusing Harvard-specific acronyms and phrases that make you feel like you’re learning English again for the first time. Mastering this Harvard lexicon, however, was my mom’s first key to success. “As a parent, I think the more you’re familiar with the language and the shorthand, the better your ability is to support your student’s success at Harvard,” my mom explained. “And of course, by success, I don’t [only] mean academic success… A successful experience in college would mean one where they felt socially supported, made emotional connections, built friendships, [and] found exciting, intellectual interests.”
For my brother and I to be successful at this sometimes overwhelming institution, we have both heavily relied on support from our mom. While we felt abundantly prepared academically, transitioning from a high school with 115 people in each class to a school with over 1,600 freshmen was daunting. My mom realized she needed to provide an emotional safe haven for her kids. “College in itself is an incredibly new place. In order to thrive as a young person, I think you need to have an emotional support network… So for me, support is… an easy place… where [my kids] can find rest.” For our family, this looks like a weekly group FaceTime call with not just our parents, but also occasionally our grandparents and cousins. My mom explained, “It’s a way for them to continue to feel connected.”
More important than scheduled FaceTimes, however, are the organic conversations she can start with us despite living across the country because she understands the campus lifestyle. The more informed she is about what is happening on campus, the more supportive she can be. As she described it, “It’s my way of not only being connected but making it easier for my child… to say, ‘CS 50 was exhausting today,’ and I don’t have to ask them, ‘What does CS 50 stand for?’ I also don’t have to ask the details of how CS 50 is a requirement because I already know that.” It also helps that she is aware of the campus resources available to students. When I tell her I’m attending a recruiting event at the SOCH, she can remind me to have MCS check my résumé or to ask my PAF for help writing a cover letter.
For her and many of her fellow Harvard parents, the Harvard Independent is how she stays abreast of the current campus buzz. “One of the reasons I’ve loved the Indy is that it makes me feel like… I have a better understanding of the cultural pulse… the Indy really dives deep into the cultural part.” Through this direct line to the Harvard student community, she is able to gain an improved understanding of the experiences her kids are going through. Even better, the Indy provides “a fun perspective… that [she] can use as a part of a conversation starter with [her] student.”
Even now as I write this article, I’m remembering all the times my mom seemed to know exactly what was happening in my campus life, even if we hadn’t spoken in days. She would ask questions like, “Did you go and see that band at Crimson Jam? I read an article about kids running around naked. What was that like? I saw a video on the Indy Instagram about Achilito’s, did you see that? Are those your friends going on a blind date?” It made me feel like I could talk to her about anything and everything in my life without having to explain all of the background context that can make a story feel drab.
The Indy hasn’t just helped my mom with exciting conversation starters. “By reading some of the articles, I can really feel the voice of… students that are going to school with my child. It makes me feel like I can better know some of the peers that are going to school with my kid, and that’s very different than just kind of an Associated Press bulletin news.” Each article in the Indy expresses a unique perspective that reflects the nuanced individuals within our Harvard community. Everything we publish is authentic, and it’s that genuineness that’s so appealing to my mom. Every week she learns more about not just what I’m experiencing at school but who I’m experiencing it with.
Clearly, my mom likes to arrive on campus every year well-informed of campus going-ons, often more so than I am. But what was she surprised by when she dropped off her first kid at Harvard in 2020? “What I wasn’t prepared for, having not gone to Harvard, is the intensity around clubs and comping. I had a very big concern that my students would not be able to pursue their interests, and… create friendships in a very organic way with people that share interests.” This time, her support came in the form of encouraging my older brother, and later, me to apply to a multitude of clubs, even if the interests were new to us. It made the inevitable rejections feel less hurtful because our eggs weren’t all in one basket.
That’s how my older brother, and then I, ended up at the Harvard Independent despite our shared lack of hardcore journalistic experience. Looking back, I feel like it’s the best choice I made my freshman fall, and my mom agrees. “[The Indy is] an incredibly fun place to engage because if you’re writing about the community and the culture at Harvard, that means you are also a part of making the culture at Harvard.”
To her, that was the best sign of her kids having a rewarding experience at college and being successful as a parent. The Indy is a place for us to be ourselves and express that originality through our work. We’re not just writing about campus culture, we’re actually living it, and we’re telling you how we feel about it. Harvard is meant to cultivate change-makers and build future leaders, and while we still believe that’s true, at the Indy we don’t just lead, we trailblaze. And we couldn’t have done it without our parents supporting us along the way.
Mia Tavares ’27 (miatavares@college.harvard.edu) is proud to have a mom who is double-subscribed to the Harvard Independent so she can receive two hard copies of every issue (one for her growing collection and one to actually read).