Desire Meets Discourse: Harvard College’s Sex Week

Every year since 2012, Harvard eschews its Puritan roots and shines a spotlight on a topic often deemed taboo in higher education: sex. Between Nov. 2 and Nov. 9, the campus organization Sex Education by Harvard College Students puts on its annual Sex Week. The week offers informational seminars on topics such as sexually transmitted illnesses, pregnancy prevention, female pleasure, and queer sex, alongside entertainment such as trivia night and a painting workshop. On Nov. 4, SEHCS proctored “Putting the Talk in Dirty Talk: Learn to Communicate Your Wants and Needs,” which featured a presentation by Elizabeth Ashford ’19, a Sex Week alumna and founder of Beyond the Beez, a sex education platform. Ashford focused on bettering dialogue about sexual desires and necessities—an often underaddressed yet critical topic in sex education.

Harvard’s Sex Week comes at a time of extreme upheaval in American sex education curricula. On May 21, Alabama Senator Shay Shellnutt (R-Trussville) pre-filed a bill set to be read in January 2026 aimed at changing Alabama’s approach to sex education in public secondary schools. Shellnutt’s policy enforces abstinence-centric curricula that centers on avoiding all sexual risk. This approach would prevent schools from demonstrating how to use contraceptives like condoms or referring students to clinics or providers where they can get abortions. On Aug. 26, the Trump Administration compounded Alabama’s efforts and demanded that 46 states and territories remove gender ideology from their Personal Responsibility Education Program curricula or risk losing their federal funding for this sexual education initiative. 

Yet while national contention around sex education persists, SEHCS continues to pursue its mission of “empowering members of the Harvard community to explore their experiences with love and sex by providing comprehensive sex education programming on Harvard’s campus.” During “Sex Week” in the fall and “Sex Weekend” in the spring, the organization invites sex educators to Cambridge to foster dialogue with the Harvard student body on all topics related to intimacy and love. 

On Tuesday night, Ashford and an audience of around 60 students were eager to discuss healthy dialogue over scallion pancakes and lo mein at the communication workshop. 

The presentation itself was split into two parts: one focused on sexual wants and needs, and the other on communication. During the first half, Ashford explained the origins of common sexual fantasies like foot fetishes and pain kinks and the psychology behind them. She likened the pleasure derived from pain to the shock of jumping into snow after being in a hot tub, helping students understand why people have this kink. Ashford made it clear that there was no place for shame in the conversation, and her slides were rooted in academic content, focusing on factual explanations. 

“Getting rid of the myth space and really finding the facts in the conversation is to me what the goals of all of this work [are] and why people can then walk away with the truth and then work through their sexual interests with the right information,” Ashford said in an interview with the Harvard Independent after her presentation. 

By presenting a wide range of sexual interests, Ashford gave students a better understanding of what they or their partners might want in the bedroom, setting a framework for how they might discuss these interests with their partners.

“I think I have trouble communicating my feelings, and I wanted to learn different methods to do that so I can have a healthy relationship,” a first-year attendee shared.

The second half of the event offered suggestions for how students can express their wants and needs to romantic partners, regardless of how difficult such dialogue may be. Ashford’s tips ranged from maintaining a five-to-one compliment to critique ratio to approaching conversations from the “I” perspective. Throughout the lecture, Ashford emphasized the importance of understanding how you feel, so those emotions can be properly conveyed to your partner.

In addition to tips for conversations with current partners, Ashford also talked about how to start conversations with strangers and be more approachable using a science-backed approach. She shared that open body language is key. For instance, having your feet pointed outward and holding your drink or phone to the side instead of in front of your chest will make you seem more open to conversation. 

“I wanted to be more informed about my own body and desires, and I guess the desires of my partner,” an undergraduate told the Independent.

Students started trying out a new handshake technique after learning it was a good way to demonstrate interest. The lecture hall was filled with students brushing their friends’ right elbows with their left hands as they shook hands. Students oohed and ahhed as they discovered how flirty this new trick was.

At the end of the event, students scrambled to the front of the room to pick up the staple of every Sex Week event: safe sex supplies and toys. Condoms and lubricant were spread across a table, and the event also ran a lottery with sex toys as prizes. The supplies represent the mission of Harvard Sex Week: empowering students to explore new sexual experiences on top of being a major attraction to the event.

“I wanted free lube because I think people usually come prepared with a condom but not lube, and I want to be prepared,” shared the first-year.

Students’ reasons for coming to the event extended beyond upping their sex supply inventory.

“A lot of stuff regarding, not just sex education, but even just stuff about sex culturally, is not covered that much in school. You just don’t get a lot of access to it,” one student said to the Independent following the event. 

Other students were more partner-focused. “I came to the event to learn more about how I can handle sexual conversations with women,” a sophomore in Cabot House added.

As Ashford points out, Sex Week is a key tenet of the undergraduate experience: “There are so many amazing things that you can learn in college, but we don’t always focus on the things that will actually carry you through a lot of the very important things in your life.” 

Frances Connors ’26 (maryfrancesconnors@college.harvard.edu) is the Programs Director for the Harvard Independent.