“We are on the hunt to find the clit.” This popular phrase from straight men reveals that their communal quest to pleasure their female counterparts is, well, still ongoing. It can be challenging for these men to succeed, and, at times, awkward for the women to watch them try, often fumbling in vain. How much dedication are these men putting towards the clitoris hunt? And, once they’ve located it, are they handling it correctly? Sometimes their efforts, whether authentic or tepid, are followed by women’s Oscar-worthy performances of pretend pleasure. After a period of patience, women may become exasperated, and decide a quicker way to the finish line would be to fake an orgasm. The question remains: is faking it always a bad thing?
Women may be tempted towards the easy out of faking an orgasm, but they must consider the implications they create for the entire gender. Take the Orgasm Industrial Complex: Desiring a woman has become about stroking the man’s own ego, but if a woman can’t orgasm in sex, she often feels its her own fault. Female pleasure has become a prop for masculinity.
“Harvard men think they are more likely to make women cum because they are Harvard men,” a woman in the Class of 2025 shared. “I like to think I’m better at faking orgasms because I’m a Harvard woman.”
Some students described the option of a fake orgasm as a privilege women have over men, while others argue its temptations decrease the possibility of equality in the bedroom. A Harvard man told me, “The nature of feminism is that women have complete sexual agency over their bodies. For the women to have the freedom to fake or not to fake an orgasm is an expression of sexual feminism.” Many would not agree; many would.
While I focus on a woman’s fake orgasm, one Harvard man stunted the myth that this fallacy is limited to one sex. “What you have to do is wait until you are shooting blanks,” he advises. “As a man, you cannot fake an orgasm while you are with the full artillery. Where do you store your weaponry? Your ball sack. The quartermaster who runs the ball sack starts shooting blanks, and now it’s time to fake an orgasm because you can make that shit up easily.”
Following an Irish exit from Tasty Burger Basement, two strangers find themselves mangled together in a twin XL bed. Fast forward to the impersonal, uncomfortable sex and the moment she realizes this man with the slutty reputation has never thought about how to pleasure a woman. She methodically swivels her hips in the direction of pleasure and moans in sync with the rhythm of each thrust, mirroring the latest porn episode still open on this man’s computer.
Like many Harvard women, this hypothetical one has accepted the truth of her sexual escapade and put on her best orgasmic performance. Afterwards, she will conduct her own Irish exit towards the vibrator waiting on her bedside table.
The fallacy of her climax relieves her from sexual awkwardness. Many agree it is acceptable for a woman to fake an orgasm for her own expediency or to hasten her desire to get out the door. However, she shouldn’t fake it just for a man’s sake. “In the aspect of feminism and women doing things for themselves, if you are going to fake an orgasm, it should be for your own personal reasons and not to please the man or woman you are faking it for,” said Becca Ackerman ’25. “If you are faking an orgasm, it should be because you want it to be over and you have better ways to spend your time.”
The age-old habit and tradition of women taking care of men before themselves needs not only to end, but to evolve; fake orgasms should not be happening to save the man’s flustered incompetence.
Homosexual couples and their sex are relieved of gender imbalances. Ellen Mollerus ’25 told me: “sex is awkward and silly and sometimes hard to figure out, especially when you aren’t given a guide like heterosexual couples. I do think [fake orgasms] are probably less prevalent in same sex relationships because those people know that kind of body better and in my opinion queer sex is *generally* more equal between partners.”
An anonymous Harvard freshman I interviewed accepted the probability that a woman had faked an orgasm with him. “When the man is making it very clear they are waiting for [the woman] to cum, she feels pressure to do so because of an internalized feeling that it is a problem with her if she is not having an orgasm. Faking orgasms can come from panic,” he said.
There is an obsession with climax in and out of the bedroom, but sexual pleasure can be achieved in the absence of an orgasm. For people able to produce pleasure for their partner but not always a climax, do not fret. “Sometimes I can’t make myself cum even though I know what the fuck I’m doing. It’s my body. Sometimes it’s just not going to happen,” Ackerman said. “Orgasming is obviously really nice and I think people want to do it, but maybe your sex drive is down, you are not in the mood, or maybe you want more of the intimacy of the hookup rather than just orgasmic pleasure.”
Social pressure and a desire to avoid awkward sex motivates many Harvard students to add to the general culture-wide fallacy of sexual climaxes. How authentic are our true body responses, and how theatrical are our fake performances? The problem revolves around the fact that we share lofty and unrealistic expectations of porn-like sex. If women in porn didn’t do such a good job of faking it, maybe real women wouldn’t even consider it an option. Lack of a sexual climax can be a sign of internalized anxiety about their performance or even comfort being with the person in the first place, rather than their partner’s failures in the bedroom.
Establishing a strong sexual rapport can increase sexual comfort. A Harvard sophomore told me: “This man was making me come by just touching my nipples several times in a row. It was really fun, but after that has happened four times in a row, I just simply don’t want to be cuming that way.” Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Tell your partner how to pleasure you, and listen to how to pleasure them. That’s the point of sex anyway, isn’t it? So why is that so damn difficult to do?
Eliza Kimball ’25 (elizakimball@college.harvard.edu) brainstormed this article concept with her mother.