The all-encompassing name for when two members of the same sports team start some form of relationship—either brief or long term—has been affectionately dubbed “teamcest” by collegiate athletes around the country. This phenomenon is not nearly as vulgar as its unfortunate nickname suggests, but it is still taboo amongst the 42 rosters of Harvard Athletics. After all, spending countless hours on and off the track, pitch, court, or field with your teammates makes closeness inevitable. With the culture of sports team mixers on campus, athletes spend a lot of time partying together, and one day or another they’re bound to fall for each other.
While it’s tricky to navigate romantics in the environment of a tight-knit team, this does not deter athletes from doing so. There is careful consideration of all the risks by teammates who decide to take the plunge and start dating. “We’re still together so it’s not something I went into thinking, ‘Oh, this is going to be like a two-month thing,’” said Julian Schmitt ’23 of Harvard Nordic Skiing. Intra-team relationships are not something to take lightly when the new team dynamic affects the success of a team. “Because I think the damaging part is when you have a small team and then you have a breakup,” he said.
Keeping relationships a secret is nearly impossible. “Everyone on the team is so close and all the girls are in the same locker room,” said Milly Cooper ’27 of Harvard Radcliffe Lightweight Rowing. “We are a tight group—we’re ‘The Women of Weld.’” Cooper has experienced a few flings with boys of the Harvard University Boat Crew (HUBC). Being open about your personal life is often a way to bond with one’s teammates. And, according to Cooper, for the Women of Weld, it simply adds to the effect when they glance over at an HUBC boat and recognize a character.
Schmitt would even go as far as to say that the jovial atmosphere at team practice was amplified by his relationship with a teammate. “I honestly thought people enjoyed giving a little rib every once and a while… You know you get the boy’s banter going.” Having strong bonds within a team makes athletes excited for practices and enjoy their time with their teammates. For many, the teasing that comes along with an intra-team relationship only makes a team stronger.
For example, intra-team relationships are not a crossover between Women’s Lacrosse and Men’s Lacrosse because these are teams that are large and separate. Where “teamcest” becomes a source of drama is on the small teams—those who share a boat house or a coach, or a co-ed team such as skiing or sailing where proximity is at an all-time high. “I think we are still close, and I think it’s getting closer. I think having everyone in the same boathouse…we’re seeing each other a lot more, we’re doing more things together,” said Cooper. This close physical proximity sets the stage for athletes to cross paths with their romantic partners when they’re trying to be “locked in” at practice.
The support for situationships within a team is not always so enthusiastic. “Having a thing with someone on the men’s team was weird, especially when other people did not know. We felt like we had to be super secretive and that people would notice,” said an anonymous senior female athlete. Sports teams are not a social club—they have a job to do, and that is to compete. Some athletes may want to minimize the distractions brought on by an intra-team relationship.
The question of whether teammates are bothered by “teamcest” is a key factor in maintaining the stability of the team throughout. The trust between teammates to do the right thing for themselves and the team is paramount. However, at the end of the day, word will get around about an intra-team relationship. “Does everyone know everything about everyone? Yes. Is that a bad thing? No, because everyone is really fun and really genuine and it’s not all gossipy, you know it’s like, ‘Ah we’re a team,’ a little shared rowing teamcest is bound to happen,’” Cooper said.
“I don’t know if I ever really told [my coach]. I think he figured it out by the end… But he knew. I don’t know, at one point in the season he knew,” said Schmitt. Athletes generally want their coaches to respect them and trust their dedication, so it is understandable that the coach-athlete relationship remains professional. But when spending so much time together, a couple inevitably becomes a part of the team’s dynamic.
Having someone you can rely on while you’re going through a similar life experience is always relieving, and often a piece of the puzzle for a successful relationship. Whether it’s as simple as solving the issue of living on a “similar schedule, [so] you don’t have to think about, ‘Ugh, we have practice at different times,’” as Cooper explained. Beyond that, being able to relate to your partner rather than the annoyance of, “Oh, you’re talking about a sport I know nothing about,” said Cooper. It may also strengthen your relationship. “We were sharing the same experience,” said Schmitt, discussing the way he found his girlfriend Madeleine Kitch ’24. Today, they are still together after dating for two ski racing seasons, and continue to study, train, and race together. They found a positive in empathizing with each other’s good and bad days in competition in the intense environment that is NCAA Athletics.
Breagh Bridge ’27 (breaghbridge@college.harvard.edu) wrote this article while crammed in an AirBnB with her teammates.