“I’ll have a look inside your mind and tell you where you belong.”
By HUNTER RICHARDS
The Quad
“My calves? Firm. My community? Strong. My single? Exists. AHHHH”
Pfoho
- Brags nonstop about having two floors for the dining hall
- Has never used the top floor of the dining hall
- Constantly wondering if Quad Grille was just a fever dream
Cabot
- “They’re mice, not rats”
- Still trying to snatch the aux cord in CabCaf
- Will defend Khurana until the day they die bc “only they can make fun of him”
Currier
- Hasn’t left their single in a week and forgot how to talk to human beings
- Constantly wants to know why you “just won’t even try weed, like it’s honestly the most harmless thing”
- Has hotboxed their single every night of senior year
River Central
“You can’t sit with us,” – every resident in their dining hall hiding behind the most intense interhouse restrictions
Adams
- 3 minute walk to the yard
- 3 inch walk between beds in your double
- Keeps bragging about “the Gold Coast” as if we don’t all know it’s really the Mold Coast
Lowell
- You don’t need a house to have a good time
- Constantly tells you to come over for some good tea but never has any hot gossip
- “Haha Lowelltel, that isn’t a stretch at all hahah we just say it like ‘Lowtel’ but we keep it fun haha *aggressively* LAUGH WITH US”
Quincy
- Hasn’t seen someone they know in the dining hall since the Berg
- Lives for the holidays so they can buy even more penguins and is single-handedly keeping year-round Christmas stores alive
- Has drunkenly blacked out at the Grille at least twice a semester
River East
“We’re as far as the Quad but we aren’t going to remind you about that.”
Mather
- Lots of singles
- Keeps telling you about all their singles
- Because nobody has ever come home with them to know they have singles
Dunster
- “We got renovated, too!”
- It doesn’t matter if you have a really nice dining hall if nobody’s willing to come visit you for lunch to ever see it
- Gets locked out of their room on a weekly basis but refuses to tape the door
Leverett
- Had bunny ears surgically attached to their head in preparation for Housing Day
- “The bunny hop”: noun, the long trek from Lev to Pierce Hall
- “You know what they say about a big house population…..”
River West
“Exclusion is the best way to build community but we swear we aren’t glorified Final Clubs.”
Winthrop
- The most incredible glow up of all time
- Unironically listens to every TSwift song and sings along but in a Khurana voice
- Pretends that the asbestos thing didn’t happen but it still totally happened
Eliot
- “Who do you know here” at every single event
- “It doesn’t matter that there’s lead paint if you aren’t actively eating the paint chips, we aren’t Old Winthrop!”
- The roaches in Eliot aren’t as fun as the ones in Currier
Kirkland
- Also didn’t see a problem with the incest in Game of Thrones
- Instagram famous but the Finsta is just photos of gross hardwood floors and moldy bathrooms
- Great view of the roaches in Eliot