How to Harvard: Your First Year

1. Go to Annenberg alone.
   1. Sit next to strangers. There is an 8-10 week period where this is socially acceptable. Take advantage of it.
   2. Someone is wearing pants you like? Introduce yourself. Be bold.  
   3. Into athletes? No need to fear approaching the pack. Complement the 3 glasses of chocolate milk on their trays and say hello.
   4. Don’t ask your dinner partners about their major—sorry, concentration—unless you truly are yearning to know. Try a more distinguished question to break the ice.
      1. “What do you think of the moon landing?” Wait for their answer, then respond, “Yeah, that’s what they want you to think.” 
      2. “Do you have any hot takes?” You’re surrounded by 1,950 Harvard students from around the world. They must have some flaming-hot opinions, well-informed and eloquently spoken. 
      3. If they have a British accent, guess where they went to school, and before they have a chance to respond, start firing off the likely answers: Eton, Westminster, St. Pauls…
2. Avoid 9 AM classes.
   1. You tell yourself you can wake up that early—class started much earlier in high school, anyway. But within the first few weeks, you will lose all faith in your ability to respond to your wake-up alarm. However, it is true that no matter when class meets, you will skip it at least once. Probably more. 
3. Meet upperclassmen.
   1. Join clubs. Enroll in a wide variety of classes. Take the shuttle to the Quad just to chat people up.
   2. They might look scary, but they are probably just stressed about job applications. 
   3. Learn from their mistakes, make the same mistakes, or make mistakes with them together. 
4. Try out everything you might want to be a part of.
   1. Clubs are more rewarding than Expos 10, I promise. 
   2. Even if you’re unsure, go to the introductory Comp meeting. The least you can get out of it is free pizza.
   3. If you are double-booked, guess what, you will probably be double-booked for your entire Harvard experience. Over stimulation is a natural part of your first year, and it gives you less time to feel homesick. 
5. Find someone who has a mobile hotspot (a printer is an extra bonus). The WiFi will not work. 
   1. You only have one minute to Duo-push your Gradescope on your phone to submit an LS 1B problem set, and the teaching staff has no empathy when it comes to late work. 
   2. Speaking of printers: Conquer the Harvard printing system before you actually need to print. 
6. If you are dating your highschool sweetheart, break up. It will happen at some point. Might as well get a head start. 
7. If you hate procrastinating, complete the so-called Harvard ‘tasks’ your first year 
   1. Jump off Weeks Bridge early on. The Charles River will be warm from the summer, so while you might get a mysterious disease from the water, at least you won’t get hypothermia. 
   2. Pee on John Harvard at night with a friend or two. Someone will inevitably see you in action, but at this early stage in your Harvard career, all your classmates are doing it, too.
   3. Pregame Primal Scream for liquid courage and a little warmth. Everyone is naked and no one is looking (except the creepy tourist). Grab your friends and run, but be cautious not to get trampled by the stampede.
   4. Dora Explorer into Widener Stacks and go deep. Wear something that allows for easy access and plan for mayday. 
8. Seek help. 
   1. Ask for the extension. Send the email. Plead in office hours. Chances are, your classmates are doing the same.
   2. Share a problem set. You might need one in return. 
   3. Make friends in your classes. You aren’t expected to get through this alone. 
   4. Find someone with a doctor parent so you can b-line all your medical questions while you wait for HUHS to be useless. 
9. Indiana Jones-style search for a good spot to cry on campus. Or if you are unable to cry, like myself, somewhere to scream. I recommend the alleyway next to HSA Cleaners. 
10. Don’t be too hard on yourself. 
    1. Did something stupid? Amazing, it’s good for the plot! 
    2. Failed a midterm? It builds character! 
    3. Someone saw you having sex in the Stacks? Hopefully you put on a good show! 
11. Find your Veritas.
    1. Surround yourself with things that enrich you, whatever that means to you. Take that random class that doesn’t follow your concentration plan—it will likely change, anyway. Join a club that is outside your comfort zone. And get Felipe’s margaritas on a Tuesday if that’s what the doctor prescribed. 

Becca Ackerman ’25 (rackerman@college.harvard.edu) believes Cabot Library is the 7th circle of hell.