Welcome to a special edition of Indy Sportsbook where we delve into the ideal blunt rotation. From comedy giants to scientific legends to cartoon characters, choosing the perfect group to spark up with can definitely be a challenge. As such, we’ve grouped the candidates into a few categories and calculated odds based on how much the average Harvard student would desire to smoke with them.
To Start: The Locks
These are the names you will find in any stoner’s (myself included) dream blunt rotation. They are known for their love of the leaf and are outspoken about their weed habits.
Snoop Dogg (-400): Let’s get the obvious pick out of the way. As the unofficial chief ambassador of stoner culture, Snoop easily tops our list. At -400 odds, we reckon he’s the closest thing to a lock for any dream blunt rotation out there. Just think about how much weed knowledge he has. The guy literally made national news when he quit smoking, only to reveal it was all a paid brand deal. There is no other human on this Earth more closely associated with weed than Snoop, and these odds definitely reflect that.
Seth Rogen (-150): A close second to Snoop, Seth Rogen has essentially made a career out of cannabis-infused humor, so much so that he actually runs his own weed company, Houseplant! From This Is the End to The Interview to Superbad, his movies are hilarious and are even funnier when high. He made a whole movie about weed in Pineapple Express, which sparked the creation of the eponymous weed strain, my personal favorite. Rogen is hilarious and is sure to bring good vibes and laughs to the rotation.
Pete Davidson (+100): With his fairly deadpan, edgy style of humor, Pete brings a bit of a different vibe to the rotation than the aforementioned figures. His odds definitely reflect his status as a slightly riskier bet due to his off-color and often unpredictable humor, which ensures an entertaining sesh.
Next: The Solid Picks
Patrick from SpongeBob (+200): The beloved pink starfish from Bikini Bottom might not be your first thought for a blunt rotation, but think about it a bit—the guy is laid-back, goofy, and talks slowly; we would not put it past him to dabble in the plant.
Oprah Winfrey (+250): While it might seem a little surprising at first, imagine how deep the conversation would get with Oprah in the rotation. Her storytelling prowess and unique ability to connect with just about anyone would bring some much-needed wholesome and profound vibes to the rotation. Plus, depending on how much she smokes, everyone might leave the sesh with a free car.
Melissa McCarthy (+400): Known for playing eccentric and exciting characters in slightly boring comedy films, Melissa would definitely keep the group guessing with her unique brand of comedy, honed through extensive improv experiences.
Ted (+500): The foul-mouthed teddy bear would bring a different brand of humor to the group—certainly one with no holds barred. His odds would definitely be more favorable if we could guarantee that he wouldn’t make a wildly off-color remark or joke that would cause others to leave the circle.
Finally: The Wild Cards
Neil DeGrasse Tyson (+700): Imagine sparking a blunt and discussing the mysteries of the universe with the most renowned astrophysicist in the world. Plus, listening to his voice serenade the other members of the rotation is a huge bonus. His odds reflect his unconventional choice, but the potential for a truly mind-blowing talk is quite high.
Shaggy and Scooby (+1000): While they might not provide much by way of intellectual conversation, they are mainly on this list for their snack game. High odds, high potential for some great munchies.
With this list, we have you covered with the best possible options for your dream blunt rotation. Next time you get high, think about how much better it would be if Snoop was right there with you.
After writing this article, we sat down for our hundredth viewing of Pineapple Express.