Every February, a third of the country sits down to watch the Super Bowl. For many viewers, the appeal is obvious. This game represents the culmination of another season filled with storybook victories, heartbreaking defeats, and the Cowboys losing in the divisional round. The Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs are the last teams left standing, and for good reason: both have All-Pro quarterbacks, mastermind head coaches, and rosters filled with superstars. Even by Super Bowl standards, this matchup is incredible.
However, we recognize that not everyone will be watching the game on Sunday with the same enthusiasm. Many of you may be watching the Super Bowl more out of obligation than appreciation. You may not even care about the game itself, and would rather distract yourself with the commercials, the halftime show, or stressing about the p-set you need to finish when the game ends. But this year, we suggest a better, more engaging way to watch the game: gamble a lot of money on it. Not all of us will get into heated debates about roughing the passer penalties, but we can all appreciate the rush of risk and the hope of gain. Without further ado, here is the bettor’s guide to watching Super Bowl LVII.
Before we dive into our picks, we owe those less well practiced in the art of sports wagering a brief explanation of betting lines. Lines are created using a standard unit of $100. If a line begins with a positive sign, it signifies the amount of money that an $100 bet will win. If the line is negative, it shows how much money needs to be placed to win $100. In other words, betting $100 on +150 odds will win $150, while betting $150 on -150 odds will win $100. With that out of the way, it is time to put your newfound knowledge to good use.
Some like to think that sports wagering is more like betting the stock market rather than the roulette table, and that skill and knowledge make it something more than sheer luck. Maybe for some, but not for us. So, just accept the sheer chance of it all and hammer the coin toss to start the Super Bowl with a rush. Nothing sets the tone better than risking your money on the most random part of the entire game. We like heads at -105 odds.
While many bettors would then turn their attention to the length of the national anthem, we find that beat a bit played out. Instead, we will spend “The Star-Spangled Banner” anxiously watching for which head coach the camera will show first: Andy Reid, with the Chiefs or Nick Sirianni, with the Eagles. This is Sirianni’s first Super Bowl, so we’re guessing Fox will want to display him as soon as possible. Take him at +110.
For bets that are actually about the game, we think the Eagles will win at -105 and cover the -1.5 point spread. Take the over 50.5 total points at -110. Our favorite player props are AJ Brown to have 70+ receiving yards and 1+ touchdowns for +191, Patrick Mahomes to throw 1+ interceptions for -126, and Travis Kelce to score the first touchdown for +600. For absolutely no reason at all, we think any player to have exactly 69 yards rushing or receiving for +690 is a great bet. However, we understand that these are not for everyone.
For all of the students at Harvard who care more about Crypto than football, the odds that the price of bitcoin rises during the game are -130. Unfortunately, we do not know enough about Crypto to give advice on that one. If you find yourself neither watching the game nor being productive, the odds that Jackson Mahomes posts more than one TikTok during the game sit at +165. Most of our money is on that.
The halftime show is perennially the most-viewed part of the entire Super Bowl broadcast, so we’d be remiss if we did not have at least some action on Rihanna’s performance. “This is What You Came For” would be the perfect opening song, so take that at +400. Considering Rihanna has not released an album since 2016, her set being under 9.5 songs looks like good value at -120. Other than that, even the most degenerate of you should stop neurotically checking your balance for a few minutes and enjoy the show. Or, place money on Rihanna to trip and fall at +1600 and root for the world to burn.
When the clock hits zero and confetti starts streaming onto the field, the 2022-2023 NFL season will officially conclude. Our work will not quite be done, however. Andy Reid loves cheeseburgers, so much so that the odds of him eating one on the broadcast during the game are a very possible +700. If those are too steep for some, the odds of him just mentioning “burger” or “cheeseburger” in the postgame interview are +175. If you think those odds are shockingly low, and that no NFL Head Coach could possibly have a one-in-seven chance of actually eating a cheeseburger on the sideline during the Superbowl, keep in mind that this is the same coach with somehow only +1600 odds of being doused in barbeque sauce if the Chiefs win.
For those fans interested in other liquid-based bets, we think that more than 120,000 beers will be sold at +105 odds, and that the color of Gatorade poured on the winning coach will be either blue at -105 or lime/green/yellow at +300. After a lengthy and heated debate about which flavor was better, we sadly could not come to a consensus. On the other hand, we think God or Jesus being the first person mentioned by the Super Bowl MVP is an absolute lock at +150. This is predicated on Mahomes or Jalen Hurts winning the award, as they have a well-documented history of religious statements. It would also make a rather fitting end to a night filled with blind faith in factors completely outside our control.
As your focus moves from your Super Bowl party to the work week ahead, we hope you can do so with a greater appreciation for football and a little more money in your pocket.
Declan Buckley ’24 (sports@harvardindependent.com) and McGavock Cooper ’24 (mcgavockcooper@college.harvard.edu) will be desperately refreshing Jackson Mahomes’ TikTok account on Sunday.