Finding true love anywhere is difficult, but at Harvard, it seems to be exceptionally so. Is it because we as Harvard students have such high expectations for our significant others? Some say the secret to happiness is low expectations. So should this same logic be applied to love? I would say no; I argue that high expectations may not be the most fruitful recipe for a short-term fling, but that they are definitely the secret to long-term love.
I believe that love is out there for everyone (Harvard students included), but that conventional wisdom tells us that the most successful relationships happen spontaneously. Which is why love at Harvard appears to be unattainable. Maybe some are lucky to stumble across love, but most Harvard students do not have time for spontaneity between packed course schedules, job applications, athletics, and extracurricular clubs. That is why I am here to offer some advice for how you can seek love here on campus in a more methodical and systematic way. Call it the “genetically-modified-path-to-love”, if you will.
Do not:
Make out with a future love interest at Tasty Basty. Or Fox basement. Or any basement, for that matter. It is guaranteed to make any future encounters awkward . Whether or not you would eventually be able to get over the post-tasty-hookup awkwardness depends on the pair involved. For short-term, it’s great. A bit sweaty, but still great. Though for the long-term trajectory, not so much.
Do:
Figure out their schedule and what times they will be in the dining hall so you can carefully coordinate your meal times coincidentally bump into them. Coincidentally, of course.
Do not:
Be timid about sharing your love language with your crush. Exchanging one another’s love languages is a really flirty conversation starter. Volunteer yours, and if they are unfamiliar with the concept, offer them to take one of the many free quizzes online.
Do:
Find your go-to wingperson and head to Widener or the Law School library, where the most attractive people study. Once there, scope out your target of choice. Your wingperson has a critical role to play. Once your desired target gets up to use the restroom, it is your wingperson’s job to quickly run over to their stuff and scribble your number – with an accompanying sexy and alluring message – on their notebook that they have carelessly left open. The message should ideally correlate to the kind of vibe they give off. For example, do they seem like a STEM or a Humanities person? While you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, in this instance it is appropriate, and even advisable to do so.
If you find yourself at a loss for such a message, allow me to offer some suggestions. For someone who looks like they are in the middle of finance recruiting, a message could read something along the lines of:
Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.
Sincerely,
– INSERT YOUR NAME XOXO
123-456-7890
You may think that this is too cheesy for your first encounter, but in reality, this is a surefire way to ensure your note accomplishes a soft landing (pun intended).
Or, do they seem to be more of the CS type? If so, something like this could tickle their fancy:
“Hey, my name’s Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?”
Or maybe they appear to be Pre-Med? In that case, the following could be successful:
“Are you my appendix? Because this strange feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.”
Do not:
Be afraid to ask your friends for help. Odds are, you and your crush share a common friend. Exploit that fact. This common friend has significant wing-person potential. Get your friend to organize a lunch between them and your crush. You will happen to be getting lunch at that same dining hall, and your “friend-in-common” will invite you to join them. And voila you have yourself the perfect opportunity to chat it up with your crush, when stakes are low.
P.S. This is a great time to ask your crush to send you the math or econ PSET for the week. Boom. Now you have their phone number.
Do:
Take a creative way to confess your feelings/love. People are attracted to novel and exciting things. Try reaching out to them via an unusual method, such as sliding a cute, anonymous limerick under their door, or maybe sliding into their LinkedIn DMs (this one is sure to stir up romantic feelings). Or if you want to really spice things up, gift them something hand-made, like a paper mache rose.
Whatever the outcome of your romantic endeavors here at Harvard, rule number one is never give up on love, and rule number two is to never forget rule number one. And at the end of the day, at Harvard every failed love attempt at love can be turned into a successful attempt at networking.
Alexandra Dorofeev ‘25 (alexandradorofeev@college.harvard.edu), is campaigning for wingwoman of the year.