My Goals for the New Year

With the new year, everyone has different immediate traditions. Some eat grapes under tables. Others must find a partner to kiss at midnight. For me, I make a list of resolutions to work on over the year. These goals allow me to become a better person in smaller, more manageable increments. To help all the lovely readers of the Independent, I have listed some of these resolutions to inspire some of your own. 

Prioritize Sleep

According to GENED1038: Sleep, getting rest, believe it or not, is important. It helps build one’s memory and is essential for maintaining good health. This semester, I aim to put sleep at the top of my to-do list. But to make room for more sleep, I must focus less on other time-consuming activities. So, in the interest of prioritizing sleep, I have decided to ignore studying. 

Studying and attending classes actively decreases my mental health, and for what—to better understand how shocks in a foreign market affect the domestic economy? Just impose a tariff and pray that it figures itself out. Maybe school helps in understanding all those boring biological functions in pursuit of medical school, but I doubt any doctor of psychology needs to understand the Krebs Cycle. And anyway, who needs good grades when I can get a solid eight hours of sleep!?

Secure Double Legacy

While many universities, such as the University of California (UC) system, have long ignored legacy status in admissions, other schools, including Harvard, still take it into consideration—unless the big ol’ “L” on the top of many students’ admission files stands for “loser,” which may be true relative to the academics at Yale. This semester, I hope to secure double legacy status and ensure that my child has the best chance of attending Harvard too! According to the best romantic comedies, finding love simply requires persistence. So to hell with a good personality or good looks or being a good person, I am just going to be a good stalker!

Deviate from the Consulting Pipeline

“HUCG or CBE?” Probably the most repeated question on Harvard’s Sidechat—besides the incessant hookup posts—naturally refers to consulting. While many enter Harvard with pre-planned career aspirations in politics or medicine, a sizable number of students eventually fall for the promises of consulting. What exactly is consulting? Consulting is the “business of giving expert advice,” and who could be more of an expert in technology than an 18-year-old first-year student studying History and Literature from Kansas? 

This semester, I will not fall victim to the enticing consulting pipeline. Why spend my semester doing the unpaid drudgery of pre-professional consulting clubs in hopes of a better shot at achieving the prestigious MBB, where I’d continue slogging through slide work? Money—who needs financial security! Instead, I will seek a meaningful job that enables me to make the most significant contribution to society. Perhaps I will try my hand at investment banking.

Volunteer on Campus

The Phillips Brooks House Association is the primary student service organization on campus, enabling all Harvard undergraduates to dedicate time to giving back to the community. Volunteering offers students an avenue to step outside their own routines and contribute meaningfully to campus life with purpose and service. This semester, I, too, wish to give back to the community. That’s why I will be volunteering with the Harvard Psychedelics Club. 

With each new semester, stress is sure to build from hours spent on papers or from figuring out which career path one wants to follow. What better way to relieve that stress than to take copious amounts of drugs and hallucinate until you find the meaning of life? As a volunteer, I pledge to spend every waking hour ensuring that all undergraduates have access—no, are forced to consume hallucinogens free of charge. Extra samples given during exam season!

Even though my resolutions seem lofty and ambitious, your own resolutions can be much simpler. Prioritizing sleep and a double legacy are indeed challenging and will require my full effort and attention, which thus makes me better than anyone with easier resolutions. However, “lead a successful startup,” or “write a critically-acclaimed thesis,” or even “solve world hunger” are all aspirations that I suppose can earn some respect—just not as much as my resolutions garner.

I hope that in pursuing these objectives, I become a better and happier person and that next year, I can repeat the process and improve myself even further. Who knows—maybe my next set of resolutions will include securing triple legacy (maybe that means a polygamous relationship?).

Thayer J. Y. Gauldin definitely won’t forget these resolutions by February.