It is safe to say that the majority of Harvard’s students are fueled by their ambitions for great academic and career success. This drive to overachieve remains unbridled by many of the “distractions” associated with college life. From pulling all nighters instead of finally meeting up with that friend we swore we “had to catch up with sometime” to missing a call from our parents while sending our 100th internship application, it is easy to see how even the thought of maintaining any additional relationship is daunting to the typical student.
However, allowing one’s decisions to be guided by fear would be one of the greatest disservices a college student could commit against themselves. While long assumed to be an obstacle to growth and achievement during college, your high school sweetheart could actually be the one who helps you feel sane (and loved!) at Harvard.
Can your high school love be true love? You will never know unless you try to make your relationship work. Many students enter Harvard without knowing any of their peers. College is a new world with a fresh start to determine the type of person we are and the type of people we want to befriend. A romantic partner may seem like an anchor pulling you away from new relationships and opportunities on campus and towards an old life you wish to depart from. In reality, a partner from home is a lifeline, maintaining your connection to the memories and environment that molded you into the person you are today. Especially if your partner is living at home, they may relieve your homesickness by keeping you abreast of changes in your town and the lives of people you grew up with.
When you face imposter syndrome (the feeling that you are undeserving of your accomplishments and opportunities, a common sentiment for Harvard students) your lover will remind you of everything that makes you worthy and deserving. When you worry for your family, that special someone may visit or keep in touch with them, providing much needed emotional and physical support. The times you feel misunderstood by peers will become irrelevant when you feel seen and heard by one of the greatest people you know.
The pessimism of staying with one’s high school sweetheart often dismisses the fact that nurturing meaningful relationships makes us better people. We are meant to experience the joys and challenges that come with maintaining relationships, and learning how to communicate our needs effectively is most productive with people that know us best. But how can Harvard students subvert the anxieties that come with just the thought of a long distance relationship? The solution is clear: remain steadfast in prioritizing time for each other while effectively communicating when time is needed for oneself. Even the strongest couples may have to face the reality of temporarily living in different time zones. It is unlikely that your schedules will perfectly align. You may be in classes while she is on break. Or perhaps your finals are the only time he will be at home before his study abroad trip.
Fortunately we have modern technology on our side; our devices keep us connected and knowledgeable about each other’s lives from afar. May I suggest a Zoom date? Even from hundreds of miles away, you can be each other’s cheerleaders as you pursue individual goals in school (e.g. they will root for you through punch while you support them during rush). Make sure to debrief each other during phone calls on all the drama on campus and who your new friends are. Then, when time and finances permit, make the flight or drive to reunite with your greatest friend.
While long distance relationships with high school sweethearts are challenging, it is worth your time to try for the one you love. After all, when has it been the nature of Harvardians to give up easily?
Adedoyin Adebayo ’26 (aadebayo@college.harvard.edu) wants you to invite her to your wedding.