At Harvard, nearly two-thirds of students arrive as virgins. Many students experiment sexually for the first time here. As with many universities, women and femme individuals often navigate gendered sexual expectations. I interviewed sex-positive women and femme students to explore their experiences.
I had several questions. Are Rice Purity Scores an accurate measurement of sexual openness? How do they navigate “vanilla” versus “kinky” activities? How does consent factor into their relationships?
Similarities emerged between the students, including an emphasis on consent and a willingness to experiment. The names listed below are pseudonyms to protect their privacy.
Isabella ’26, Straight Woman, Rice Purity Score: 22
Isabella became sexually active during high school through her long-term relationship. “I’ve covered a lot of ground in a very limited amount of time, in terms of pure sexual activities, and of course, pre-sex activities,” Isabella said. “But I would say [that was] mostly before college. I find that it’s harder at Harvard to trust people to do more.”
She believes consent is especially crucial in BDSM. “I consider myself to be well-versed in BDSM… I also researched a lot before going into it, because I was just intimidated by the prospect at first. So I wanted to know what I was getting into, and make sure that I have all the consent down first,” she explained.
Isabella has employed sexual equipment used to restrain participants. “I’ve done some more high-level bondage stuff. So we’re talking with proper bonding material, and then more elevated stances, and some bonding exercises that completely involve vulnerability and even the inclusion of sex toys,” she said.
She experiments sexually with boyfriends. “Even though I have a more sexual kinky side, I cannot reach that unless it is within the realms of a relationship. I do not feel comfortable enough,” she disclosed.
For Isabella, BDSM is about trust. “I don’t let my guard down easily, so just having that emotional level there helps me reach it more easily. Of course, sex is a vulnerable act in itself. But because of the further power dynamics that are inserted within BDSM, it just becomes even more elevated, and you’re showing truly yourself at your most open,” she said.
Isabella wants to normalize sexual experimentation on campus. “As you’re talking [to your partner], maybe introduce some elements of videos, and maybe something else that you’ve been looking at and you find interesting or intriguing. Then the intensity can progress according to their reaction,” she advised.
At Harvard, Isabella believes misogyny influences sexual norms. “There is very much a slut-shaming culture on campus, even though it’s more subdued. I would say we’re doing better than other campuses. But still, women that are sexually active are afraid to even remotely mention it. They prefer to be in this ‘oh, are you a virgin?’ ‘maybe’ type of territory. Not even ‘I’ve done stuff.’ Because they’re afraid of being portrayed as this maneater-whore,” she said.
“Whereas men are always patted on the back. And it’s like, ‘Oh, you bagged another one. Congrats, king.’ And that’s an unequal dynamic that exists there, and we really need to work on it collectively.”
Juliet ’27, Bisexual Genderqueer, Rice Purity Score: 23
Juliet became sexually active during high school. She felt bored during the pandemic and began hooking up with people that she met online.
“I think during high school, I just had a phase where I was very much experimenting, and I think I was a very different person back then. I think I was pretty impulsive,” Juliet said. “I think when I started out hooking up and having relationships with people, it was when I was a bit younger.”
She thinks more critically now about her sexual choices. “I’m still a very sex-positive person. I just think you’ve also got to be careful. You’ve got to reflect on it and make sure that’s what you want,” she said.
Juliet has had sex at libraries, natural parks, and beaches. “There are some more secluded nature spots that you can definitely get away with. But if it’s in a library or something, it’s honestly not hard at all because some libraries have special study rooms, where you can just close the door and there’s no windows to look in. So I feel like all of those spots—it’s very, very easy,” Juliet said. “I’ve done it in an elevator.”
At the time, she wasn’t afraid of getting caught. “You know, maybe I should’ve had worries about someone pressing [the elevator button],” she disclosed. “But I feel like because it was one of those very, very old elevators, you would’ve heard it. It would’ve been like [boom], and then I feel like we could somehow save the situation. It was claustrophobic but in a cool way.”
During sex, Juliet has used handcuffs, ropes, and vibrators. “I like playing with wax. That’s something that I don’t think most people do here—the more kinky side of sex,” she said.
Juliet is in a long-distance relationship with her high school boyfriend, who is sexually adventurous. “His philosophy is, ‘I’ll try everything once.’ Sometimes I get a bit scared—not scared for myself. But I’m like, ‘Why would you try something that you know you would dislike?’ Because I know there are things that I just genuinely wouldn’t want to do,” she explained.
While she is bisexual, Juliet had fewer experiences with women than men while single. She remains curious about women. “I think I’ve been able to talk to my boyfriend about it very openly. It’s not something that I feel ashamed about, or he gets angry about when I tell him about this stuff, so I definitely appreciate that.”
Juliet believes the orgasm gap harms women, especially in straight relationships. “Everyone deserves to orgasm if you’re going to have sex,” she said.
Hannah ’24, Bisexual Woman, Rice Purity Score: 15
Hannah said that, during high school, her Rice Purity Score was likely in the eighties. At Harvard, she has had hookups and four relationships, with all of her partners being men.
“When you’re really comfortable with someone, you’re willing to experiment. Or if you’re together for a long time, then you’ll try new things. So I think just being in a long-term relationship really got me to get out of my shell and experiment with different types of sex,” Hannah said. “I’m a firm believer in trying everything once, so I’ve tried a lot of things just once.”
She has used handcuffs and had sex outdoors. She had a threesome with two men whom she met at a bar. “I have no idea how I got into the situation, but then I was in the situation, and I was fine with it. But I don’t remember who initiated what,” she laughed.
Hannah knows her likes and dislikes from experience. “I do not recommend anal sex for any woman ever. I do not understand. I have one friend who defends it until the day she dies. She loves it, but I think she’s insane. For me and some other friends of mine, that was the most painful thing we have ever experienced in our lives,” she said.
She also prefers monogamous relationships. “One of my relationships I was in was technically an open relationship, but that wasn’t a good idea,” she disclosed. “I just think people get really jealous.”
At Harvard, Hannah finds the sex culture disappointing. “The sex culture here I think is really vanilla and really not great. People here aren’t that good at sex. And people here…really struggle to understand consent or do not care. That really pisses me off,” she said. “I think that leads to a much worse sexual culture than what it could be if people were really open and were clear and more respectful about consent. I think people would be more willing to try new things and be down for things.”
Hannah believes women often fake orgasms, but she refuses to herself. She advises students, “Just be vocal about what you want.”
Atlas ’24, Nonbinary Femme Lesbian, Rice Purity Score: 45
Atlas grew up with repressive parents. “I grew up really sheltered, so I wasn’t allowed to do anything, and I didn’t really try to do stuff in secret, as much as I wish I did,” they said.
They began exploring sexuality in college. “It was a lot of self-educating because I was not educated by the people around me,” they said. “I think I also started to follow a lot of sex educators. And a lot of queer folks who talked very plainly about things related to sex and sexual health and sexual safety.”
Atlas is in a long-distance polyamorous relationship. “We started being poly pretty recently actually, but we spent a couple months talking about it first. So both of us have started dating around.”
“[My partner will] be like, ‘Oh my gosh, I don’t know how to respond to this person on hinge. Can you help me?’ I’m like, ‘I don’t know what to say either.’ And now we’re both here trying to figure out how to flirt. And we’ve been in a relationship for two years. But yeah, it’s been lovely so far. I think that because it’s new, I’ve been taking it pretty slowly. But it’s been helpful that everybody that I’ve engaged with is good with communication,” they explained.
Being long-distance, Atlas engages sexually with their partner using video. “Sometimes it gives the feeling of being a cam girl,” they said. Their physical sex has power dynamics: “I think sometimes the sex that I have leans more toward dom and sub dynamics sometimes, where I would be the dom.”
Atlas is fascinated by shibari bondage. “Sometimes that manifests in doing research about it. And then, I’ve been slowly trying to incorporate it in the bedroom. But I’m also very careful about being safe about it,” they explained. “There’s been books that I’ve been meaning to buy, but I haven’t yet.”
Sexually and romantically, Atlas gravitates toward other trans people. “The way that we come into sexual experiences, I feel, is informed by our lived experience as trans people. I think that there is a level of care involved there,” they said. “I think that for me personally, sexuality was empowering because it made me very confident in a lot of aspects of myself.”
Atlas advises students, “If you’re ready to try something, I think it’s nice to do. Because then you’ll have a better gauge of what your hard yeses and hard noes are. But only when you’re ready and comfortable and feel safe.”
Kya Brooks ’25 (kyabrooks@college.harvard.edu) writes News for the Independent.