“Lowest acceptance rate and lowest body counts” is how Sidechat, the anonymous social media app, characterizes the Ivy League. While it’s a bit rude, the quote isn’t entirely wrong. According to The Crimson, approximately twenty-five percent of respondents in the graduating Class of 2022 survey were single for all four of their college years, and thirty-nine percent were only in one relationship. As Valentine’s Day approaches, one is left to wonder: why haven’t more Harvard students posted those corny Instagram stories? In other words, why are so many Harvard students single?
There are many reasons why someone might remain single at Harvard. One posited theory is that students are afraid of rejection. As high-achieving students, it can be a big blow to be rejected and excluded from extracurriculars, internships, and research opportunities. Adding dating to the mix can present a risk of further self-esteem damage. Psychology Today explains that fear of rejection is a significant hurdle to dating, as it discourages people from reaching out to potential partners. This could lead to students keeping their crushes in their heads, rather than making a move.
Another theory is that Harvard students might have very high standards. As Eric McDowell writes in Business Insider, when people know they have options, they often look for someone who they find (even if it’s just by a bit) more attractive or charismatic than the person immediately in front of them. This can cause people to put potential partners off as they endlessly wait for a perfect lover. With high standards for extracurriculars and personal achievement, it could be possible that some Harvard students have similar, unrealistic expectations for love.
Not all students agree with this reasoning. Exchange student Alexia Ferreira ’25 thinks that Harvard is actually much less judgemental than her school in London despite its competitiveness. “As a [temporary exchange student] who’s just come onto campus now, I don’t feel like I was particularly judged, not even from the standpoint of a romantic relationship. I’m here for two semesters. I’m not looking for anything. But I didn’t feel I got the sense that it was a very judgy campus. I feel like my campus back in London is so much worse.”
The complexity of campus dating culture can be seen in another phenomenon happening at colleges around the United States: hookup culture. An article by Shemeka Thorpe and Arielle Kuperberg, Public Health and Sociology researchers, respectively, explains that 72% of college students have hooked up by their fourth year. At Harvard, the trend is similar. Students in the Class of 2022’s Crimson survey generally had more sexual partners than they did dating partners.
A senior in the Class of 2024 elaborated on this point. “I think that because people think [hookup culture is] a college culture thing… They automatically bias whatever they want to automatically be that, even if they may actually want more… Perceptions of what college life and love should look like feel restricted to that.” Still, some students enjoy hookup culture and don’t necessarily want a relationship. Then what explains the students who do want a relationship and can’t seem to strike luck?
The biggest factor we found can be encapsulated in one word: time. Harvard students are overcommitted, and this often conflicts with their dating goals. A member of the Class of 2027 weighed in, saying she was too overwhelmed to pursue love. “I’m very busy with academics, and it’s hard to sacrifice any of that for a relationship,” she said. “I think people are very focused on academics, very focused on their future, and they don’t really want to risk any of that or put time into anything else at this school just because they only have it for a certain amount of time.”
It is not all gloom and doom for the singles of Harvard College, however. Rishi Mohan ’25 felt that having a relationship is doable, it just takes investment. “Everyone can find time in their schedules for something or for exploration, whether it’s a new club, whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s a social something,” he said.
For single people looking for a relationship, Mohan said to not be afraid. “People put on a good facade at Harvard and everyone internally is a little unsure of themselves. Don’t be afraid to just ask and get over the hump.”
When Valentine’s Day comes around and you, the single pringle, are stuck in your dorm scrolling through Instagram posts of cute couples, know this: you may be alone, but you are not alone. There are many other single people at Harvard who are all waiting for their moment. Who knows, it may come soon!
Roberto Quesada ’27 (robertoquesada@college.harvard.edu) will be single next Valentine’s Day, or will he?