As both the year and the semester draw to a close, it is time to reflect on the events of the past months and profess our hopes for the next. We present to you the Indy’s holiday season recap, featuring our staff’s hopes and dreams for our Harvard experiences that hopefully Santa Bacow can fulfill.
All the Indy wants for Christmas is…
- Hot breakfast in all the dining halls. Toasty treats in the morning do sound festive. We have been missing hot breakfast since the FAS budget cut of 2009, but the largest university endowment in the world should be able to buy us some pancakes.
- Better tailgates. Our rivalry with Yale is about more than The Game itself: not only must our grades, athletics, and community surpass those of the bulldogs, but our tailgates must as well. They should at least be less mobile than the one this past H-Y, which was shut down in two different locations before succeeding on the Mac Lawn.
- No more 9 am classes. A communally felt plea.
- No more turkeys in the Yard. We missed our chance over Thanksgiving Break to push out this species protected by Massachusetts law.
- Free laundry services. The piles of dirty clothing cluttering our 4 x 6 dorm rooms demand it.
- Some spirited decorations for the John Harvard statue. The tourists would love some decor for their selfies.
- A renovation of the Science Center bathroom. Could we add the Lamont Library restrooms to this request?
While the Harvard community always strives for greatness, some aspects of the student experience that reflect quite the opposite. From students playing with fire in risky situations to local businesses erupting in scandals, those who’ve participated in the following “naughty” acts should expect a lump of coal in their stalkings this year.
The Naughty List
- Watching Primal Scream. On the final night of Reading Week every year, the tourists have something other than John Harvard’s foot to catch their eye. The spectacle should be one to participate in, not watch from lawn chairs in the Yard!
- The closure of Darwin’s Ltd. The owners cited health and workload concerns for their decision to shut down all four locations of students’ favorite coffee chain in Cambridge. Everyone must mourn the loss of their choice sandwich.
- The Sackler Building. See Marbella and Manny’s debate over whether this one is naughty or nice.
- Dining halls with mice. “Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse” unfortunately does not ring true in the Harvard dhalls.
- Sex in the stacks. A romantic holiday ambiance for your literary and other needs. Given little time to spare during finals season, our studious community appreciates the collision of work and pleasure without ever having to leave the library.
Even though being naughty may be more fun, there will always be those who choose kindness during the holiday season.
The Nice List
- Running in Primal Scream. Run for your mother and freeze your chestnuts off! Participating in this long-standing tradition will make all of Santa’s elves proud.
- The brave souls caring elicit speakers to the elicit tailgate. To you we bestow sainthood of the highest honor.
- Life Alive’s acai bowls and lemon, ginger, and honey tea. The perfect treats for any season.
- HUDS eggnog. We wish this dining hall delicacy existed year-round.
- Sex in the stacks. Counting as both naughty and nice, this risky move is bound to fill your stomach with butterflies in the best way.
With the new year afoot, we look forward to pursuing the many opportunities Harvard has to offer when we return to campus. More important than what we deem naughty and nice what we wish for, we have a community to fall back on for support. This holiday season, all of us at the Indy wish you many good meals, many good times, and an excellent winter break. See you in 2022!
Maddy Tunnell ’26 (maddytunnell@college.harvard.edu) is still trying to determine if sex in the stacks is naughty or nice.