The Sex Issue is the Harvard Independent’s biggest theme of the year, but it has proven to be a little tricky for us over here at Indy Sportsbook. While we consider both gambling and sex very worthwhile vices, the overlap between them is few and far between. Gambling is certainly not the “sexiest” subject—good luck trying to bring someone home from TITS with the story of your winning parlay—and most gambling that involves sex is too problematic to write about. Needless to say, we felt a bit tied up (no pun intended) when brainstorming this week’s column.
When taking a closer look, it is clear both acts boil down to risking something in the hopes of achieving greater pleasure. Regardless of if that risk comes in the form of your money or your dignity, the stakes are all too real. With these stakes comes the potential for great rewards. You may someday find a hookup worth walking to the Quad to see, and that eight-leg parlay might finally hit. It certainly pays to get lucky.
People who consistently perform well during sex might seem few and far between, and we ask that you extend us the same leeway when analyzing our picks. We definitely had some wonderful nights over the past month, as well as some pretty brutal wakeups. This is best exemplified by our Champions League performance; we absolutely nailed our prediction that Real Madrid would beat Liverpool but misfired on picking PSG over Bayern Munich.
In extremely fitting news, we fared particularly poorly when it came to women’s sports. Though we correctly chose Amanda Ribas to beat Viviane Arujo, the rest of UFC 285 was a disaster. We told bettors to stay away from winner Alexa Grasso, and incorrectly thought her fight would last more than 4.5 rounds. At the ATX Open, neither Sloane Stephens or Alycia Parks even made it to the final. Let us hope this was simply bad luck and not indicative of a fundamental misunderstanding of women.
Just like sex, gambling is a test of people’s appetites for the extreme. Do you stick to what you know, or branch out and take risks? The Indy Sportsbook is not one to pick shame, so we have outlined both the mundane and the bizarre events coming up. Whether you like to stay tried and true or go absolutely wild, we have got you covered.
Much as many people will not stray from their favorite few positions in bed, there are plenty of vanilla bettors that only enjoy wagering on the NFL, the XFL provides a worthy substitute. We are looking for the Seattle Sea Dragons (+145) and St. Louis Battlehawks (+110) to take wins this weekend. If you truly need to stick to the majors, you could always look towards the NFL draft. Though CJ Stroud is too heavy of a favorite for first overall pick at -300, we particularly like his teammate Jaxon Smith-Njigba to be the first Wide Receiver taken at +125. While we are happy to talk about football forever, we also hope that these unadventurous bettors can at least muster up the courage to look at our March Madness column, which was published online last week ahead of the tournament.
For those looking to spice their betting game up a bit, we suggest you divert your attention to the cycling season. Springtime brings two of the biggest races on the calendar: the Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix. The beauty of cycling gambling is that even the favorites have high odds due to the sheer number of people who could potentially win. We think Flanders will come down to a battle between Mathieu van der Poel (+450) and Tadej Pogacar (+500). For Roubaix, take the Team Jumbo-Visma trio of Wout van Aert (+350), Dylan van Baarle (+800), and Christophe Laporte (+1400).
While we are admittedly not as well-versed in this behavior, in the spirit of the Sex Issue, we are stepping outside our comfort zone to target bettors who are unafraid to go through a little pain (betting on games no one cares about) for a lot more pleasure (winning money on said games). The Women’s Handball Champions League is currently in full swing, and we foresee Rapid Bucuresti defeating RK Krim at +120. We are also taking a way-too-early look at the PDC World Darts Championship, where we expect Michael Smith to defend his title at +275. While we can in no way be confident about getting these right, something may awaken in us if we do.
We wrote this column with the aim of presenting options for all types of gambling preferences. It can be hard to truly know what you like best until you have tried everything, so hopefully this serves as a start. At the very least, it will help you stop fantasizing about riskier plays and embrace the uncomfortableness of it all. If you are feeling even bolder than we suggested, you could try your hand at turning these picks into a parlay. Just do not lose the metaphor and think that will actually make you better at sex.
Declan Buckley ’24 (declanbuckley@college.harvard.edu) is very excited he snuck cycling content into the Sex Issue.