It’s the Sex Issue, and here at the Indy Sportsbook, we’re laying down odds on which mascots we’d most likely swipe right on—which ones we think are the best for a one-night stand. From swoon-worthy swagger to unexpected charm, these mascots bring more than just school spirit. Let’s dive into the top contenders, complete with odds on which ones we’d give the keys to our hearts, and which ones we would most likely match with while we’re black-out swiping.
Sparty (Michigan State University) (-200): Sparty is that guy you meet and instantly think, This one’s taking me home to meet his Spartan parents. He’s always standing tall, flexing his triceps in just the right way; you know he could totally lift a chariot if he had to, or do the dirty work while you sit there like a dead fish. And let’s be honest: if you’re ever stranded on a deserted island, Sparty’s the guy who’s gonna build you a shelter or cook you a fish dinner and still somehow look amazing doing it. Our betting recommendation: go all-in. Sparty’s the dependable bet with muscles and manners. We’re swiping right, swiping hard, and hoping he’s looking to settle down.
Wilma T. Wildcat (University of Arizona) (+150): Wilma isn’t just a flirt—she’s the kind of wildcat who knows exactly what she’s doing. From the moment she flashes that coy smile, you’ll know you’re in trouble (and you’ll be loving it). She’s playful, but don’t mistake that for innocence. Wilma has no problem taking the lead, and she’s not shy about going after what she wants. If you’re into furries, she’s the one. Wilma’s got a way of making everything feel like foreplay, and let’s just say you’ll be hanging onto her every move. If you’re lucky, she might just let her guard down for a more intimate connection when the night winds down—leaving you breathless and craving her touch before she’s even gone.
Sebastian the Ibis (University of Miami) (+350): Let’s be real—Sebastian is the ultimate bad boy with just enough danger to make you consider doing something you’d only confess with some level of shame and disgust. He’s the type to pick you up in a convertible, toss you his shades, drive you to the beach at midnight, and lay it down. Imagine a night out with Sebastian: neon lights, pulsing beats, and drinks that just keep flowing. He’s not the guy to whisper sweet nothings—he’s more likely to pull you onto the dance floor and let his moves do the talking. And just when you think you’re ready to head home, he’ll flash that grin and somehow convince you to hit one more club. Just don’t expect him to text you back after he leaves in the morning, because he’s already at the gym, prepping for his next game and texting the next girl.
Josie Bruin (UCLA) (+525): A night with Josie is an experience you won’t forget. She’s not one to waste time with subtlety; from the moment you’re alone, she’s got her eyes on you, making sure to fully size you up. Her touch is confident, fingers trailing in a way that leaves no room for guessing what she wants. Every glance, every lingering touch sends a jolt through you, the anticipation building with each second she’s near. Josie doesn’t play games—she’s here to make sure you’re aware of every inch of her, and by the end of the night, you’ll be thinking about her long after she’s left, yearning for another minute in her addictive presence.
Brutus Buckeye (Ohio State University) (+650): Brutus isn’t just another cute face; he’s the full package. Fun, dependable, and just nutty enough to keep things exciting. He’s the type who’ll have you laughing one minute and blushing the next. Imagine him leaning in close, grin on his face, saying, “Hope you’re ready for this nut tonight.” And Brutus has stamina—he’s no one-night fling. Once he’s invested, he’s completely in it for the long haul. Brutus might not be your guy if you’re looking for a one-night stand. But if you want to date, he could be the one for you.
So there you have it. Here we have hand-selected all of the mascots in college sports we would most likely swipe right on Whether you’re in it for Sparty’s rock-solid reliability, Wilma’s daring wildcat allure, or Sebastian’s thrilling, no-strings-attached energy, these mascots know how to leave a lasting impression. Josie will have you craving her touch long after she’s gone, and Brutus? Well, he’s here to prove that good things come to those who wait—and maybe stick around for more than just a fling.
For those who are a switch hitter—these mascots are ready to take you for a ride. Swipe right if you’re down to play both sides of the field.