A Senior’s Guide to Harvard

When you first begin your senior year of college, you are oftentimes faced with the notion of it being your last chance to do and see all of the things on campus that you haven’t before. While this concept may inspire adventure, there are some clear boundaries seniors should no longer cross. So if you are in your final year at Harvard and have been asking yourself, “Am I Unc?” this guide is for you. 

It’s mid-September. The leaves haven’t quite changed, but the air carries a certain crisp edge that makes you want to get blackout drunk. Time to finally check “MIT frat party” off the bucket list? Except there’s a problem: You just finished your junior summer internship, where your co-intern, Kevin from MIT, asked you to check over his Excel sheet every day. But now Kevin’s frat brothers aren’t going to let you through the door because the whole summer Kevin thought your name was a few letters off from what it really is. So technically, you’re not on the list. 

You’re 21 years old and rejected from an MIT frat, and scrambling to salvage the night. In a desperate bid for dignity, you romanticize the night  by going on a midnight stroll through Boston. The sparkle in your eyes quickly vanishes as you instantly come up on students puking in the sidewalk bushes. Suddenly, all you want is your couch, a glass of wine, and the latest Netflix documentary about some psychopath. It’s official: You are Unc. 

As a senior, you may be realizing a sad reality: all the hot people on campus have graduated. You sit in section, hopelessly trying to find a section crush to motivate you to keep your eyes open for that long hour. But no one is calling your name. Well, maybe that one in the corner. Wait…yes. The longer you look, the hotter they become. It is Harvard intro time. You brace yourself to remember their name for the inevitable post-class Instagram search. But then the words come out fast and hard. 

“I’m a first-year living in Canaday.” Oh no. Oh NO. I mean, it could be fine, right? It’s not like they aren’t 18. Unless they have a late birthday. What if they’re 17?! Stop spiraling and disregard the idea immediately before you’re in too deep. Just one quick reminder: The freshmen were in seventh grade during COVID. While you were mosh pitting to “Mo Bamba” at your high school homecoming, they were on their New York and D.C. field trips. Now, you’re applying for post-grad jobs and they’re pissing on the statue and laughing about “6 or 7…something?” Time to move it along. 

It’s your final year of dorm life, and by now you’re numb to your home friends’ shocked reactions when you explain Harvard makes you live on campus all four years. Most of your time has been spent grinding p-sets and doing readings half-focused in the dining hall with friends. There was nothing more exciting than seeing a pound cake for Brain Break rather than an assortment of vegetables at 10:30 p.m. Although you may have gotten away with eating a toasted bagel with cream cheese, a bowl of Lucky Charms, and that slice of pound cake every night, your metabolism isn’t what it used to be four years ago. It may be time to start considering those daunting celery sticks. 

As a first-year, anything felt possible. You lived for the weekends when your roommate left to visit their long-distance lover—the same one that they talked shit about to you every other day. When the room was yours, it felt like no better time to turn into a Tinder demon. Now that you’re a senior, try to avoid maxing out your Tinder swipes within three hours. When your roommate goes away for the night, savor the joys of solitude instead. Just think about how exciting it is to use the bathroom without having to close the door, microwaving your favorite frozen Trader Joe’s meal without your uncultured roommate complaining about the smell. Enjoy these precious moments rather than paying mind to the people you’ve matched or unmatched on Tinder with since freshman year. By now, they’re just not worth it. 

While many agree that senior year is the best year because you finally know the lay of the land, it’s still important to take risks and try new things. With that being said, why are you considering comping Crim Biz for the sixth time when you can devote yourself to something you’re actually passionate about, like the Harvard Pole Dancing Club? 

Although it might be too late to audition for that improv group you’ve always wanted to join or take that 400 student/80% athlete gem you’ve always heard about, you can do what you have been saying you would do for the past four years. Now is the time to finally grab that meal with the person you always run into and say, “Let’s get lunch sometime,” but somehow never do.

Have you ever craved a Veritaffle but were too scared to wait in the waffle-making line while the people around you fill their plates with fruit and yogurt? Fuck those yogurt bowl-makers and get your Veritaffle! You might have thought it was over when instead of accidentally calling your TF “Mom,” younger students accidentally called you “Mom.” But think again. Although your brain becoming further developed may be a good reason to avoid past experiences, it’s never too late to make new ones…as long as they’re legal. 

Written anonymously for the Harvard Independent.