Kinks ‘n’ Houses

Thanks to the Indy sex survey, we all know which houses fuck the most. But do we know how they fuck? I’ve taken it upon myself to determine what kink revs the engine for each house based on vibes, what they’re known for, and my own personal experiences. Enjoy!

River Central

Smack dab in the middle of all the action, River Central gets a lot of play. A late-night booty call to Lowell or a walk of shame back from Adams has never felt so sweet, especially when you’re required to pass through the facey-ist part of campus. Yet, as run-through as these houses might be, they always manage to leave their partner satisfied.

Adams: Piss Play

This one is pretty obvious—we all know Adams is a kinky house. The “pool room” that oozes “Fifty Shades of Grey” dungeon room? C’mon. Not to be too on the nose, but I think the gold tower room would be fitting for a golden shower.

Lowell: Orgasm Denial

Although this House may feel vanilla, it’s got a secret gooner side. That’s right. Not only is this House the loudest in bed, but Lowell also loves edging. How else could its bells get so blue?

Quincy: Temperature Play

Quincy is beloved by the people for one, and only one, reason: hot breakfast. Naturally, it would be the House associated with heat in the bedroom, and I don’t just mean dirty talk. Quincy loves to light a candle and feel the melted wax drip down its shaft.

River West

West-side is a little decrepit and overrun by pests, but it’s on the up. What they lack in nice facilities, they make up for in passion. Who needs shiny new toys when they’ve got the perfectly working old-fashioned thing right here?

Kirkland: Pet Play

The rats run Kirkland. Need I say more? This house may be sturdy, but we all know it’s the animals that are truly in control of it.

Eliot: Financial Domination

Word is, Eliot spends over $40k on féte every year. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it gets off on losing money to its mistress. Though it’s historically the richest house, after these renovations, I’m not so sure it’ll be able to keep up with these kinky practices.

Winthrop: Predator/Prey

The lion does not concern itself with silly kinks. Except for when the kink is being a lion. Growling and going a little crazy with the bite marks is quintessential Winthrop. 

The Quad

Ubering to a slink in the Quad is a uniquely depressing experience. And yet, the Quad still finds a way to rope in countless victims from the river every weekend. These houses aren’t afraid to be in the scene or to keep the party going in their singles, as removed as they are. While they might not be the kinkiest, they certainly get the job done.

Currier: Food Play

Currier is always getting glazed for its above-par d-hall and frequent food drops. Why not join the two together? I’m not just talking whipped cream and chocolate; Currier gets experimental with cucumbers, cake, and honey in the bedroom.

Cabot: Cuckolding

To be in Cabot is to spend your whole college experience on the outside, looking in. Wishing you were on the River, wishing you were pfucking in Pfoho, or at least cumming in Currier. Instead, you are relegated to the metaphorical cuck chair that is the west side of the Radcliffe Quadrangle. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Pfoho: Exhibitionism

Let’s be real. The Pfoho dining hall is fundamentally voyeuristic. It’s got floor-to-ceiling glass doors and a balcony that allows you to see anyone eating below—and for them to enjoy visions of you. You cannot dine in Pfoho without being seen. And that’s sexy.

River East

What they don’t tell you about going out East is that it is really fucking far if you don’t have a scooter. And if you’re going out East, it’s probably your bae that has the scooter. At least the walk over is nothing compared to the energy you’ll expend trying to find their dorm in one of these massive houses (or the calories you’ll burn rawdogging on a twin XL).

Mather: Chastity Cages and Bondage

Mather’s a two-for-one, like its high- and low-rise buildings. Considering how it looks like a glorified jail, I’d say that both of these kinks fit its vibe pretty well. Makes you wonder about what’s really going down in those secretive concrete singles…

Dunster: Fisting and Spanking

Dunster’s a pain slut. Living so far away just to fall asleep in a hallway double is inherently masochistic. The suites are packed sooooo tight and feel just sooooo full. Spanking is a given—I hear using paddles on the squash courts has become all the rage. 

Leverett: Double Penetration

Leverett’s got two big, hunky towers. No elaboration necessary. I would. Wouldn’t you?

Off-Campus Honorable Mentions

Dudley Co-Op: Gangbanging

It felt wrong writing about kinks without including our campus polycule. With so many people living together in “community,” I’m inclined to believe they must get down and dirty as a group on the regular. Naked brunch must be code for bukkake.

1075

Does paying for a prostitute count as a kink?

This anonymous author has taken the BDSM kink test a lot—they’ve gotten 100% brat every time.