Timing is Everything: The Best (and Worst) Times to Have Sex

There are 24 hours in a day and, sadly, you can’t spend all of them fucking. So, to determine what times of day are optimal for trips to Pound Town, I’ve created a ranking based on energy levels, convenience, and, most importantly, vibes. Sometimes, everything just falls into place and a certain moment just feels right: you’re fired up, your libido’s high, time’s on your side. The real question is: when is that perfect overlap between horniness and convenience? 

6:00 p.m., Before Dinner: #1

What better way to work up an appetite than some bedroom cardio? You don’t have to worry about bad breath or a full stomach, and you’ve still got energy to spare. This time of day gives you hours to build the anticipation: secret dirty texts, special lingerie, and the teasing foreplay that peaks right before a meal. It’s the perfect balance of arousal and practicality, with obligations resolved and pleasure on the doorstep. Just be mindful of the effort you’ve put into getting ready—no pre-supper facials. Backshots work best here: easy, sultry, with a few sweet nothings in your ear. And if you want more than a quickie before a date, it’s better to be fashionably late anyway. 

8:00 a.m., When You First Wake Up: #2

Rise and grind! Is there any better start to the day, or anything more intimate, than waking up tangled with your lover? Maybe you’re self-conscious about your less-than-ideal morning breath, messy hair, or line of drool along the side of your face, but once the sleepy kisses start, it’s hard to stop. Building to a climax is the perfect way to ease into your day, leaving you glowing and satisfied. It’s also the best time for multiple rounds—testosterone levels peak around then, so if any of you have morning wood, you’re primed to perform. In the words of Jack Johnson: “Wake up slow.” Better yet, wake up with sex. 

10:30 p.m., Before Bed: #3

Basic but brilliant. Realistically, at this point you’re either about to rub one out or rummage through your nightstand, but a classic “U up” text adds some variety. Maybe it’s utilitarian—no attachment is necessary, it’s all hormones anyway. After an orgasm, your stress levels decrease, your relaxation rises, and suddenly your pillow looks even more comfortable. You’ll either kick your visitor out to preserve your bedtime routine or fall asleep in each other’s arms, maybe waking up to (or wishing for) an empty bed. Good or bad, it’s a staple. 

2:00 p.m., Afternoon Quickie: #4

In the middle of your day, as you’re racing between classes or meetings, you manage to find time to pencil in a quickie. No time for foreplay; it’s straight to the point, clothes optional. No time for aftercare either; you’re back to business. The quickie allows for locational experimentation if you’re in a rush and know the passcodes to the right bathrooms in the Square, or if your roommate’s in section, leaving the dorm empty. It’s not particularly romantic, but it scratches the itch and adds something new to the classic rotation. 

1:00 a.m., Middle of the Night: #5

It’s dark. You’re drifting into sleep, spooning your partner, when a wandering hand starts to slide across your body. Is this real, or a wet dream? Well, you’re not in dreamland anymore. Suddenly, you’re in a slightly groggy but hot and heavy makeout. There’s something about sex when everyone else is asleep that’s exhilarating, but it doesn’t always work if your partner prefers a balanced circadian rhythm. It’s lazy, a little clumsy, and a good test of how into each other you really are—we don’t abandon beauty sleep for just anyone. But anyway, what’s wrong with sacrificing a bit of shut-eye for some witching-hour wanking? 

3:00 p.m. After Class: #6

The stressful day is over, and your bed has never looked more inviting. Time for a nap, or time for a fuck? Dealer’s choice. Honestly, the one thing that might beat sex is a fat nap. Still, it’s nice to have something physical to look forward to when you’ve crossed the finish line of your classes and meetings. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t sex gods from Olympus who can end a busy schedule with a mind-blowing, day-altering orgasm. Who wants mediocre sex to wrap up an average day? 

8:00 p.m., After Dinner: #7

It sounds romantic in theory, but in practice, it’s pure regret. Your stomach is full, you’re in a food coma, and the last thing you want is to be thrusting and busting. Definitely no butt-touching at this time; double-stuffing isn’t as fun after Thanksgiving dinner.

Final Ranking

1. Before Dinner
2. When You First Wake Up
3. Before Bed
4. Afternoon Quickie
5. Middle of the Night
6. After Class
7. After Dinner

Every guy I’ve talked to claims there’s no bad time to get it on—except for after dinner; of course, it’s hard to argue with that. Sex, though, isn’t always about the big O, but about the pleasure we find along the way. In a perfect world, we’d be going morning, noon, and night. But even then, not all sessions hit the same. So go on, dear readers: conduct some hands-on fieldwork and find out for yourselves.

Mona Lott hopes readers have fantastic sex in their bedroom research.