Fogging it Up with All-Time Athletes

Every stoner understands the vitality of the blunt rotation—or the “roto” to some—for the enjoyment of a sesh. You need someone who can roll, someone who can crack jokes, and overall chemistry between the members present. Ideally, everyone is vibing off the za. Though the stereotypical ’70s pothead might not elicit the image of a world-class athlete, many of the all-time greats enjoy a solid marijuana drag. Here are our picks for the dream blunt rotation featuring some of history’s greatest athletes across all major sports.

Marshawn “Beast Mode” Lynch

Marshawn Lynch gets the blunt first. Marshawn was an unstoppable National Football League running back who played for the Seattle Seahawks in his prime years. The man was impossible to tackle and iconic for his brutally honest statements. On Super Bowl XLIX media day, Marshawn gave every reporter the same answer: “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” His unabashed, straight-to-the-point attitude would prevent any nonsense at the smoke sesh. It is also likely he would bring some high-quality weed, not that the first person in the rotation has to also be the provider. In 2021, Marshawn launched his cannabis brand, “Dodi Blunts,” which he named after Bay Area slang for high-quality weed. If he leads the sesh, his brand has the opportunity for free press.

Bill Walton

Some readers will be unfamiliar with the former Portland Trail Blazers big man, but this guy can blaze—not just because he was a Trail Blazer. As a student at the University of California, Los Angeles, Walton was a diehard Grateful Dead fan, a telltale sign of a stoner. Off the court, Walton had principles. He strongly criticized the Vietnam War and was even arrested at an anti-war demonstration in college. Walton was open about his cannabis use: he smoked marijuana to manage pain from injuries throughout his career. With this in mind, we cannot deny that Walton knows how to have a good time. He would be the hippie stoner of the sesh; he just needs to keep the political talk to a minimum.

Calvin “Megatron” Johnson

This Detroit Lions wide receiver was unstoppable on the field. When he first got to the league in the late 2000s, drug use was normalized in the team culture. “I used Percocet and stuff like that. And I did not like the way that made me feel. I had my preferred choice of medicine. Cannabis,” Megatron described in an interview with “Sports Illustrated.” In retirement, Megatron has worked to destigmatize marijuana use: “It’s time also we recognize the potential of vital medicines, plant medicines, to aid and improve the mental health and quality of life for so many.”

His philosophy understands weed to be a natural medicine, devoid of the destructive properties of drugs like opioids. He even partnered with Harvard University to research the beneficial properties of cannabis on CTE, which tragically affects many NFL players. Megatron is knowledgeable, educated, and committed to changing how we think about marijuana. Once everyone is fried, I could see Megatron as the group philosopher, delivering a monologue about the soothing effects of cannabis and the idyllic nature of the plant. His name is just a bonus.

Josh Gordon

Josh Gordon gets the blunt next, considering he might very well be the biggest stoner on this list. Gordon played for the Cleveland Browns from 2012 to 2018. “I’d leave the hotel early in the morning, go home, eat breakfast, do my little ritual, whatever it may be, some weed, some alcohol, and then go to the game,” he told “GQ” in a 2017 interview. He smoked so much weed that his NFL playing time was sparse. Gordon tested positive for marijuana use four separate times, forcing him to miss time equivalent to multiple seasons due to suspension. During his time as a collegiate player for Baylor, Gordon admitted to making “upward of $10,000 per month” selling weed. When he wasn’t breaking ankles on the field, he was making a bag from trapping. With that kind of commitment, Josh Gordon is a must-have for the smoke sesh, especially if it is a wake-and-bake.

Nate Diaz

Testing positive for marijuana was once grounds for suspension and fines in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, but no longer. During the UFC 263 press conference in June of that year, Nate Diaz was asked a question. Rather than responding, he calmly lit up a blunt right there on stage. Nate has been acquainted with marijuana for a long time. In an early home video, Nate’s brother, Nick—another great UFC fighter—is showing off his nunchuck skills after taking a fat bong rip. All signs indicate that the Diaz brothers know how to fog it up. But between the two, Nate Diaz is an easy choice for this list because of his total disregard for how others perceive him. Known for his carefree attitude, Diaz is down for whatever the moment calls for, and wants to have a good time more than anything, suggesting that he will have a natural chemistry with the other members of this rotation.

Brittney Griner

Finally, the “blizz” goes to Brittney Griner. In her prime, she played for the Phoenix Mercury and won the Women’s National Basketball Association championship in 2014 during her second season with the team. Like many other athletes on this list, Griner is a great trash talker and can hold her own in the case of some weed-induced friendly banter. On Feb. 17, 2022, Griner was detained at an airport outside Moscow upon arrival when customs officials discovered THC oil cartridges in her luggage. “I never meant to break any laws here. I made an honest mistake, and I hope that, in your ruling, it doesn’t end my life here,” she stated to the Russian court. The “cart,” as it is called by stoners, is a sign of a true stoner. Although she claimed it was accidental, I would say that bringing a cart to Russia is a bold move. Griner definitely has some crazy stories about this experience, taking the sesh to another level. She’s nonchalant and calm, with a candid sense of humor that would fit right in with the rest of the athletes at the sesh.

David “Big Papi” Ortiz

David Ortiz played for the Boston Red Sox from 2003 to 2016. On the field, the Dominican Red Sox legend was especially good at one thing: hitting dingers out of the park. But in his free time, Big Papi liked to spark up. “I embraced the flow of the flower,” Ortiz explained in a 2022 press release regarding the launch of his own company called Papi Cannabis, sold in dispensaries across Massachusetts. “Cannabis helped me relax, sleep better, manage stress, and heal physically after a lifetime of playing ball,” he added. Ortiz would be a good addition to the group for two reasons: first, he’s a Red Sox legend; second, his weed is reportedly fire, so he could join with Marshawn for the sesh providers.

Michael Phelps

This American swimmer holds the record for Olympic gold medals, racking up 23 across four games. But beyond his athletic fame, Phelps is famously a marijuana user. After a 2009 photo surfaced of Phelps hitting a bong, he was the subject of intense scrutiny from the media. As a swimmer, Phelps naturally can take some massive rips. “That dude’s got, like, Aquaman’s lungs, bro. The weed inhale—he’s smoking a joint like in two puffs,” Wiz Khalifa jokingly added when recalling their smoke sesh together. Any rotation inevitably ends with the remaining joints as the group winds down. So Phelps is a must-have: he would face any leftover prerolls. Who wants to waste money and valuable weed?

Kush Vonnegut has been stoned since 8:00 a.m.