Indy Sportsbook: The Odds of Getting Laid

The choice of foreplay in the form of dinner, an activity, or simply a text is a time-honored tradition of the college hookup. While the quality of each can work in your favor, the chances you can seal the deal at the end of the night are significantly different. All that being said, make your move wisely, and do what you can to make every part of the parlay hit. Below, we at Sportsbook have set lines for the Harvard classics.

Dining Hall Date: +5000

There is truly nothing sexier than a dining hall date… Well, maybe there are a couple of things. While this is not automatically a deal-breaker, it’s hard to get in the mood when seeing Jaq and Gus chewing through a lamp cable. That being said, location is key. Don’t venture to Dunster if you are afraid of seeing any ex-situationships that happen to be athletes. I also wouldn’t recommend the Currier dining hall, unless you want to make a grand gesture for your Quad hookup. Often, your best bet is the overlooked Mather House: breathtaking views of the river and secluded from the chaotic life of Harvard Square. Take your situationship there for a low-key dinner, and you’ve done about everything you can do to try and score.

A Walk Along the Charles: +1500

If you are looking for a setting outside the publicity of a Harvard dining hall, the scenic Charles River offers the perfect backdrop for a non-romantic meet-up. Throw some weed in the mix with a setting sun over the water, and your partner won’t be able to contain themselves; there is no better wingman than a joint. If your meet-ups before this have only been physical, maybe don’t pick this if it will cause you to inadvertently profess your suppressed feelings…not that it’s out of experience, but weed seems to have this effect. C’mon, dude, it’s just casual.

P-setting in Their Dorm: +1000

This is a Harvard classic, especially if you met in section or office hours. Make sure to clean your room before they arrive! There is nothing more unattractive than walking into a room where you can’t see the floor because of the mess. Now, to set the mood, turn your LED lights on and light a candle. Offer them a spot on your bed while you take the chair, eventually moving up there when you “need a better explanation” to understand how to solve a problem. Once you make it onto the bed, cozy up, and move the conversation away from homework, to try and seal the deal. A word of advice: only jump into bed if you can deal with the academic fallout when it goes up in flames. 

The Late Night Pickup: +500

One of the highest risk/reward plays around is the “u up?” text. If you want to take it one step further, then consider “__ has requested your Uber ride.” It’s the perfect combination of confidence and flattery, especially when it comes completely unprompted. The only challenge that remains is convincing them to actually get in the car. Once that is accomplished, you are home free. Our words of advice: excessive compliments and texts about how badly you want to see them. Whether they are coming from a Currier ten-man party or a night spent watching Sex in the City, there has to be an element of desire that gets them out the door. Don’t underestimate the power of a good sneaky link. 

Going to Boston: +300

Trying to run into your hook-up on a night out inconspicuously, your best bet is to head into Boston. Better yet, try to figure out exactly which of the five Fenway locations they will be going to and accidentally bump into them while ordering a drink. It’s an easy way to have a good night, regardless of whether you end up with your initial target. The beauty of Boston nightlife: the existence of other college students. If you are really down bad, flash your Harvardiness to a student at another college, and there is a chance they are so impressed that they immediately want to take you home (and probably to a nicer dorm). 

Take our advice or don’t. We just want you to have the best possible end to your night. This may involve sending a risky text or putting your flirting skills to use in public. Or, it could look like trying to turn a platonic dinner into something else (best of luck with that one). In the end, do what you can to get laid and hope your situationship is in the same mood. Afterall, we at Indy Sportsbook know that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Prometheus has fallen victim to an unexpected Uber notification.