The Indy’s Guide to River Run Shots

This week, the Charles River Gods return for their annual appearance, manifested in cheap hard liquor on Harvard College’s Housing Day Eve: River Run. The following shots, some classic, some suggestions for a uniquely memorable River Run, may appear along your journey to appease them. My advice is as reliable as any college freshman’s, stitched together from secondhand wisdom and the selective memories of those who are, of course, all over 21. We are not here to encourage anything legally, spiritually, or otherwise. Hosts, we are here because if this is happening, you might as well do it well—and preferably in a shotski.

Vodka

For the hosts, regardless of whether it’s Grey Goose or the boof seven-dollar handle you picked up at a grocery store that could have checked your ID a little more closely, vodka shots will get the job done. Pour them straight, don’t apologize for the bottle, and move on. The vodka shot does not care about your choices, and neither should your guests. It tastes bad, everyone knows it tastes bad, and they’re hoping to make it to all nine houses in just one night, and this is not the moment for discernment. If you’re feeling really kind, throw it in the freezer a few hours before, but if not, life goes on, and the River Runners can cope.

For the runners, somewhere, sometime, when the cold has set in, and you’ve lost track of who’s in your group and gained two people you don’t remember meeting, someone is going to hand you a straight vodka shot. Take it. It asks nothing of you and delivers exactly what it promises. However, if Dunster is still ahead of you on the list, maybe save it for after. Scaling that fence is (allegedly) a lot more manageable before the vodka than after it.

Tequila

Whatever tequila you’re pouring tonight is not good tequila. College-priced tequila is a category of its own, sitting somewhere between technically drinkable and a hangover to deeply reflect upon. The shot itself is not really the point. The point is the ceremony surrounding tequila, with salt on the hand, lime at the ready, and a room full of people who have just realized they are actually doing this. That part will be genuinely fun, and the cheap tequila is just the mediator.

If you really want to commit to the bit, teach your runners the toast you picked up from the bartender at your all-inclusive in Cancún, Puerto Rico, or other spring break destination: arriba, abajo, al centro, pa’ dentro—up, down, to the center, and in. The chant sounds better than it translates, and by the third time the room is yelling it in unison, it won’t matter that half of them have no idea what they’re saying. Those shared thirty seconds are worth more than whatever is actually in the glass, amigo. Very Important! Do not skip the lime, nor the salt.

Jell-O Shots

Hosts, if you’re going to contribute something to River Run, look no further than Jell-O shots. You will have to make them the night before to accommodate the long setting time, which makes them one of the few parts of Housing Day that rewards forethought. The recipe is simple: one box of Jell-O, a cup of boiling water to dissolve it, and then, instead of the cold water the box calls for, you add in a cup of vodka. Pour into little plastic cups, refrigerate, and done. One box makes about 20 shots, so do the math on how many freshmen you’re hosting and scale accordingly.

This is also the correct place to deploy your $7.49 vodka handle. The Jell-O does most of the heavy lifting flavor-wise, so the difference between Tito’s and whatever was easiest to procure is genuinely undetectable. People will show up to your room, see a tray of little cups in the fridge, and feel a warmth toward you that has nothing to do with the low alcohol content of each cup and everything to do with the fact that you made something. Bring them out on a tray, let people grab as many as they want, and enjoy being the most popular stop on the run. Please note that it is better to overestimate than underestimate your Jell-O shot count—let’s be honest, if they don’t finish them, you will in a week anyway.

Lemon Drop

The lemon drop requires more effort than anything else on this list, and the people who make them should know it. A lemon drop needs fresh lemon juice, triple sec, vodka, and the presence of mind to rim your shot glasses with sugar right before the night—and your vodka-splashed floors—get away from you.

The shot itself is bright and clean, tart enough that you feel it in your jaw on the way down. It also photographs well, which is perfect at the start of the night, before people lose their phones. What the lemon drop won’t do is hide what it is. Unlike the green tea shot, it tastes like alcohol, and the vodka is strong enough that nobody will walk away confused about what they just drank. By house four, most River Runners will want something that keeps everyone calibrated, and a properly made lemon drop can guarantee that.

Green Tea 

Alongside the lemon drop, the green tea shot is one of the more beautifully deceptive things you can set out for a first-year who wanders into your dorm. Equal parts Jameson (or any whiskey), peach schnapps, and sour mix, shaken and poured. There is no tea in it. There has never been any tea in it. Nobody knows why it’s called that, and asking is a waste of everyone’s time. 

What makes a green tea shot dangerous is that it genuinely doesn’t taste like much. The peach schnapps rounds out the whiskey, the sour mix brightens the whole thing, and the result is something that goes down so smoothly that you will absolutely hear someone say, “This doesn’t taste like anything,” right before they have a second one. This is fine, except that it is still a whiskey shot, and whiskey shots announce themselves about thirty minutes after the fact. Pour generously, but maybe mention what’s in it to anyone who looks like they’re treating it as a palate cleanser.

Jägerbomb

Somewhere between house six and house seven, your River Runners are going to hit a wall. This is where the Jägerbomb earns its place on the list. Drop a shot of Jägermeister into a glass of Red Bull, and you have a drink that was invented in 1997 somewhere in the Lake Tahoe party scene (shout out Bay Area skiers!) and has been keeping people on their feet at the wrong hours ever since.

Researchers have noted that mixing a stimulant (Red Bull) with a depressant (Jäger) produces an effect not entirely unlike skiing on a mind-altering substance that starts with a C. To that, we say that if your group is flagging at house six and someone produces a Red Bull and a handle of Jäger, the night is not over; it is still young. Proceed accordingly, and note that this drink requires shared locations and the buddy system.

By the end of the night, the River Gods are less interested in being appeased and more interested in seeing what you’ll do next. Some stops will blur together, and one will become the story you tell as if it happened exactly the way you remember it. Drink water, enjoy a slightly buzzed Housing Day, and drag your hangover to your 10:30 a.m. section of “Biotech Ethics.” 

Rohan Tyagi ’29 (rohantyagi@college.harvard.edu)’sfavorite Gatorade flavor is Glacier Freeze.